Dear, Me - From a Friend
Here I am once again in another terrible downturn. Choices made in a flash have turned everything into madness and detriment. I am the only one to blame for it all, and the consequences shall be quite dire.
It makes me wonder why I can’t seem to get out of my own way? Why do I always seem to do what I think is right, only to find out very quickly how wrong I was?
A million thoughts behind these eyes
A thousand things I can’t disguise
A troubled past that burns in fire
An inner soul that cloaks its ire
A million times I’ve oft regretted
A thousand thoughts that I have bettered
A single love that feels regretted
Because the love of mine sees me lesser
And no matter what I say or do
The million thoughts begin, anew
With a thousand reasons to undo
All the thoughts, I thought were true
And yet I dance within the fires
That singe my soul upon the pyre
My ears to hear me decried
As a man who would be a liar
And all of it just makes me sink
Down into the darker thoughts I think
And though I wish that I could blink
Tears block what’s on the brink
I professed all that is true
I said it all but it seemed too few
And I’m not sure what I can do
As everything just goes askew
Life continues to fuck with me. Most of it being my own damned fault, I suppose. But it’s hard to take when you’re trying your hardest and you finally feel like you’ve been getting things right after so many years of everything going wrong. Only to have a single bad decision unravel it all and throw up roadblocks to your future. Especially at my age which almost feels like a final nail in the coffin I’ve been building.
But I have no one to blame but myself and perhaps I should take that into account and simply make the choice that’s been staring me in the face for a decade?
After all, all the effort since then hasn’t produced anything that has made me feel like I’m meant to be here.
“It is what it is.”
That’s what I’ve learned over the years.
It makes me wonder why I can’t seem to get out of my own way? Why do I always seem to do what I think is right, only to find out very quickly how wrong I was?
A million thoughts behind these eyes
A thousand things I can’t disguise
A troubled past that burns in fire
An inner soul that cloaks its ire
A million times I’ve oft regretted
A thousand thoughts that I have bettered
A single love that feels regretted
Because the love of mine sees me lesser
And no matter what I say or do
The million thoughts begin, anew
With a thousand reasons to undo
All the thoughts, I thought were true
And yet I dance within the fires
That singe my soul upon the pyre
My ears to hear me decried
As a man who would be a liar
And all of it just makes me sink
Down into the darker thoughts I think
And though I wish that I could blink
Tears block what’s on the brink
I professed all that is true
I said it all but it seemed too few
And I’m not sure what I can do
As everything just goes askew
Life continues to fuck with me. Most of it being my own damned fault, I suppose. But it’s hard to take when you’re trying your hardest and you finally feel like you’ve been getting things right after so many years of everything going wrong. Only to have a single bad decision unravel it all and throw up roadblocks to your future. Especially at my age which almost feels like a final nail in the coffin I’ve been building.
But I have no one to blame but myself and perhaps I should take that into account and simply make the choice that’s been staring me in the face for a decade?
After all, all the effort since then hasn’t produced anything that has made me feel like I’m meant to be here.
“It is what it is.”
That’s what I’ve learned over the years.
