I dunno what to do anymore

Its my birthday next week and per usual around this time of year I'm in a reflective mood. Almost 35 no friends, no partner and aging family. By this age i've tried everything in the book and got nowhere or it ends in disaster. If i had a better youth maybe i'd have an easier time or maybe im just plain incompatible. I dont know what sin i commited for people to hate my guts so much. It's either my teeth or feet or whatever little detail they dont like about me, worst part is i dont even talk to these people nor do they know who i am. Its as if there is some mass conspiracy against me or some game show with pricemoney with hurting me as much as possible as goal. Doctors go "oh you should do this and that" would i even be in this situation if it was that easy ? you'd think with modern tech it would be easier but i found its the exact opposite. nowadays every douchebag with a smartphone can cheat on his wife who raised his kids with 2 or more other women no less. what do i get ? the same shit as real life and this psycho one who looked like she'd murder me in my sleep with a hatchet future diary style... Yuno is that you ? and the list goes on. the only thing that i havent scrapped of the list is to pay a prostitute to have her listen to my rambling for 1 hour cause thats not totally depressing. All thats happening to me shouldnt come as no surprise to most people... I mean my own mom doesnt want me let alone someone else. I see a box of sleeping pills and razorblades in my near future.