Yesterday I made a determination that I need to love and take care of myself if I want to do it for others.

Instead of drinking like a fish in my room, after work, I lied on the outdoor couch and listened to the crickets chirp until someone started setting off fireworks, then I went to bed. I didn't sleep a whole lot but it was still better sleep than I usually get since it wasn't alcohol induced.

I woke up early today and was proud of myself.

Then, before work or even breakfast, my dad decided to cuss at me and blame me for some things.

Now I'm thinking it doesn't matter how much I take care of myself, I can never keep up with life because I'm just too disorganized and dumb and I should just drink to numb the shame.

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JollyRoger · 70-79, M

I take it that you're old enough to drink legally! So, you don't have to stay with your dad who uses you to cuss at so he can feel better about himself - do you?
You must have a job to pay for the booze? Or do you get it free from someone else who takes advantage of you for letting you have it? Is there a choice in here somewhere?
Like Poppies says - respect yourself and think for yourself. If the air stinks where you're living then move - that's only common-sense!
MOST IMPORTANTLY: You decided (once) to start the day 'dry'.... you did it! Do it again... and again.... and again!!