Yesterday I made a determination that I need to love and take care of myself if I want to do it for others.

Instead of drinking like a fish in my room, after work, I lied on the outdoor couch and listened to the crickets chirp until someone started setting off fireworks, then I went to bed. I didn't sleep a whole lot but it was still better sleep than I usually get since it wasn't alcohol induced.

I woke up early today and was proud of myself.

Then, before work or even breakfast, my dad decided to cuss at me and blame me for some things.

Now I'm thinking it doesn't matter how much I take care of myself, I can never keep up with life because I'm just too disorganized and dumb and I should just drink to numb the shame.