Got a call today...
from an old friend from whom I have not heard in a while. I have known him for over 20 years, so I have been thinking about the history of our relationship off and on all day today. One of the things was the situation when we cohabitated for a short time. It happened quite a while ago, but I have always wondered if other people might have thought the same thing I did at the time.
When I moved in to his place, we were involved in a romantic/physical relationship. He respected the fact that I like time to myself, so he gave me the option of having my own room in addition to the option spending the night with him in his room. I also contributed to part of the household expenses.
But the question I have is, why did he want me to have my own phone line? And to not answer the one he had established on his own? Several times before that, I had suspected him of perhaps having other women in his life, but I also thought that maybe I was having those feelings because of the way I felt about him at the time. I am wondering if other people (male or female) would have felt the same way in this situation?
After I moved out of his place, we did continue with the physical thing for a bit, more as a FWB situation, which suited us better, I guess. But then several incidents seemed to confirm my earlier suspicions even though the dynamics had changed.
I moved into my own place mainly because of hygiene concerns. He had no shower or tub, so sponge baths were the only option. (That's another long story about how the contractor messed up his house). He had/has timeshares and before leaving for one in Asia, he stopped by my place so he could take a shower and accidentally left a small bag behind. Well, maybe it's a case of Pandora's box, but when I noticed the bag, I looked inside and noticed he had a number of condoms in it. When he returned from his trip, I mentioned it to him, and he said he had brought them over for me... It was a disposable bag like you get from the grocery store, but it contained other toiletries too. So was that a believable explanation? I didn't believe it...
Several years later he sent me a text message that he meant to send to someone else, another female, as the case turned out. And when he realized it he asked me, "Why do you put up with me?" Odd, I guess.
The even crazier thing about the situation, is that I was with him for 2 years before he told me he had genital herpes. I stayed with him because I loved him at the time (I still do love him, just not in a romantic way, anymore) and I didn't contract the illness myself until years later. (With herpes, as time passes, it gets harder to transmit. And if he felt an outbreak coming on or any symptoms, we did use protection, but not all the time as you can tell from what I just wrote.)
And one more bit of craziness? He was an employee at the hospital where I used to go for treatment, so he was not supposed to get involved with patients. But I am the one who got diagnosed with borderline features for an inappropriate relationship! It was inappropriate on both of our parts, I do acknowledge that, though.
And yes, we are still friends, even though I moved out of state 5 years ago.
When I spoke to him last, he told me he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I felt badly for him, but the survival rates are high, though of course treatment and all that is not very pleasant.
But today, getting in touch again, kind of out of the blue (it's been close to a year), he now tells me he has pancreatic cancer. I asked him if it had metastasized from the prostatic cancer and he said yes. We didn't get to talk for long because he was at work. I tried calling him later today, but he didn't answer his phone. He may have been resting, and I assume he will be in touch, because he said he would be.
I don't know why I always have such odd relationships...
When I moved in to his place, we were involved in a romantic/physical relationship. He respected the fact that I like time to myself, so he gave me the option of having my own room in addition to the option spending the night with him in his room. I also contributed to part of the household expenses.
But the question I have is, why did he want me to have my own phone line? And to not answer the one he had established on his own? Several times before that, I had suspected him of perhaps having other women in his life, but I also thought that maybe I was having those feelings because of the way I felt about him at the time. I am wondering if other people (male or female) would have felt the same way in this situation?
After I moved out of his place, we did continue with the physical thing for a bit, more as a FWB situation, which suited us better, I guess. But then several incidents seemed to confirm my earlier suspicions even though the dynamics had changed.
I moved into my own place mainly because of hygiene concerns. He had no shower or tub, so sponge baths were the only option. (That's another long story about how the contractor messed up his house). He had/has timeshares and before leaving for one in Asia, he stopped by my place so he could take a shower and accidentally left a small bag behind. Well, maybe it's a case of Pandora's box, but when I noticed the bag, I looked inside and noticed he had a number of condoms in it. When he returned from his trip, I mentioned it to him, and he said he had brought them over for me... It was a disposable bag like you get from the grocery store, but it contained other toiletries too. So was that a believable explanation? I didn't believe it...
Several years later he sent me a text message that he meant to send to someone else, another female, as the case turned out. And when he realized it he asked me, "Why do you put up with me?" Odd, I guess.
The even crazier thing about the situation, is that I was with him for 2 years before he told me he had genital herpes. I stayed with him because I loved him at the time (I still do love him, just not in a romantic way, anymore) and I didn't contract the illness myself until years later. (With herpes, as time passes, it gets harder to transmit. And if he felt an outbreak coming on or any symptoms, we did use protection, but not all the time as you can tell from what I just wrote.)
And one more bit of craziness? He was an employee at the hospital where I used to go for treatment, so he was not supposed to get involved with patients. But I am the one who got diagnosed with borderline features for an inappropriate relationship! It was inappropriate on both of our parts, I do acknowledge that, though.
And yes, we are still friends, even though I moved out of state 5 years ago.
When I spoke to him last, he told me he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I felt badly for him, but the survival rates are high, though of course treatment and all that is not very pleasant.
But today, getting in touch again, kind of out of the blue (it's been close to a year), he now tells me he has pancreatic cancer. I asked him if it had metastasized from the prostatic cancer and he said yes. We didn't get to talk for long because he was at work. I tried calling him later today, but he didn't answer his phone. He may have been resting, and I assume he will be in touch, because he said he would be.
I don't know why I always have such odd relationships...
