I humbly give up 🖤

I never knew what a good man was, even while trying to raise one, I see that there is no hope for me or my son to experience that influence.

I wasted the best years of my life and libido on men who'd rather play with my head than my pu$$y.

I didn't mean to. I didn't realize people would do that to me, until I found myself broken down with disbelief.

I give up.

And it's not really that sad. I like myself, I can work on my life, but I'm done wishing to share romantically. It simply can't be part of my dreams anymore.

I have blankets and pillows and hoodies that make me feel safer than any man has. I'm bi but women aren't into me either, I think I'm a loner, always have been, always be.

The effort I put into deserving love wasn't a waste.

There's nothing more I could of done though except maybe left sooner. I hung on too long to people because I wanted an exchange they were incapable of. The way I love isn't right. I am not right and I just don't care.

I'm depleted and nobody wants an empty partner.

I watched my dad go through four marriages and endless women. Every holiday was a different woman. I watched my mom go for the worst kind of men and ended up with a guy who destroyed her and stole everything my mom left to me except her house, which he destroyed and walked away from.

I am insanely tired and disheartened.

I will stick to kids and animals and nature. That's where I belong. That is my softness.

I am experiencing midlife and realizing I will never have what I dreamed about and worked for. I have to face it alone and move on.

At least I know I gave it my best effort. I can live with that.