Im finally free
I feel sad but I also feel extremely happy.
I escaped my father.
To put it simply, I escaped my abuser.
He can rot alone in the only place he has control, in his house. He acts all high and mighty in his house and behind the wheel in his car but he's a fat miserable bully.
I feel bad for my little half brother whos still just a child but theres not much i can do about that. At least he only has to spend half his time with him.
I let my fathers manipulative tactics work on me for far too long.
I need lots of therapy to recover from this. The good thing is that I've left his house and now also made several and i mean SEVERAL new allies.
I now have real friends in my life with common values and goals.
I dont feel the need to get drunk anymore. My new home feels like home. It doesn't feel like an emotional minefield. Home finally feels like a place i can rest after a long hard day of work.
I'm kinda afraid to feel anything right now but I'm done suprressing my emotions. Im just gonna stick with it and move forward.
The really cool thing about my current living situation is that I'm living with my aunt, and my mom.
All 3 of us were victims of physical abuse and domestic violence. I hate my last name. My narcissistic father always had this strange pride about our last name but I don't feel proud to be my fathers son. And the fact that no one ever talks about my grandpa who I've never met is even more proof that the men in my fathers side of the family besides 1 (my uncle George) were trash. The only thing i know about my grandpa on my dads side is that he was an alcoholic that froze to death one cold night outside.
My father used to beat my mom, throw his dinner plate at the wall if he was angry with her, he'd hit me, my mom and my siblings all the time and cuss us out. He'd make gramdma cry whenever he'd throw his temper tantrums.
No, my father isnt an alcoholic. Far from it! This is just how my father is. Me and my mom preferred it when he'd drink which was extremely rare.
He can't control me anymore. I just wish I'd realized that sooner. Im 28 and I still feel like im a kid sometimes. I know im not and thats why i need lots of growing up to do and the place I’m in right now is the best place to do it.
I found myself being attracted to older ladies or ladies who were kind of masculine for so many years. I never knew why but i kinda get it now. I wasnt looking for an older girlfriend, i was subconsciously trying to fix my past somehow.
I now know its probably best if i do some internal work first. It sucks that my growth has been severely delayed but hey, late is better than never. I also have such a deep shame about my delayed development and it's not just mentally either but also physically.
I need some kind of male figure in my life who isn't my biological father. I know I can never fully find that but just surrounding myself with male mentors helps. These are men who dont beat their wives or kids or destroy their self esteem.
My moms current boyfriend is like the father i never had. He's always helping me and offering support. He never hits my mom and when he does get upset with my mom which is rare, he just goes on a drive to cope. He asked me if I wanted to go live with him and mom in the near future. It would be in the woods and I'd be able to work for his company.
I just feel so free. Im still processing everything. It feels unreal that im finally thinking straight and can see a bright future for myself.
I escaped my father.
To put it simply, I escaped my abuser.
He can rot alone in the only place he has control, in his house. He acts all high and mighty in his house and behind the wheel in his car but he's a fat miserable bully.
I feel bad for my little half brother whos still just a child but theres not much i can do about that. At least he only has to spend half his time with him.
I let my fathers manipulative tactics work on me for far too long.
I need lots of therapy to recover from this. The good thing is that I've left his house and now also made several and i mean SEVERAL new allies.
I now have real friends in my life with common values and goals.
I dont feel the need to get drunk anymore. My new home feels like home. It doesn't feel like an emotional minefield. Home finally feels like a place i can rest after a long hard day of work.
I'm kinda afraid to feel anything right now but I'm done suprressing my emotions. Im just gonna stick with it and move forward.
The really cool thing about my current living situation is that I'm living with my aunt, and my mom.
All 3 of us were victims of physical abuse and domestic violence. I hate my last name. My narcissistic father always had this strange pride about our last name but I don't feel proud to be my fathers son. And the fact that no one ever talks about my grandpa who I've never met is even more proof that the men in my fathers side of the family besides 1 (my uncle George) were trash. The only thing i know about my grandpa on my dads side is that he was an alcoholic that froze to death one cold night outside.
My father used to beat my mom, throw his dinner plate at the wall if he was angry with her, he'd hit me, my mom and my siblings all the time and cuss us out. He'd make gramdma cry whenever he'd throw his temper tantrums.
No, my father isnt an alcoholic. Far from it! This is just how my father is. Me and my mom preferred it when he'd drink which was extremely rare.
He can't control me anymore. I just wish I'd realized that sooner. Im 28 and I still feel like im a kid sometimes. I know im not and thats why i need lots of growing up to do and the place I’m in right now is the best place to do it.
I found myself being attracted to older ladies or ladies who were kind of masculine for so many years. I never knew why but i kinda get it now. I wasnt looking for an older girlfriend, i was subconsciously trying to fix my past somehow.
I now know its probably best if i do some internal work first. It sucks that my growth has been severely delayed but hey, late is better than never. I also have such a deep shame about my delayed development and it's not just mentally either but also physically.
I need some kind of male figure in my life who isn't my biological father. I know I can never fully find that but just surrounding myself with male mentors helps. These are men who dont beat their wives or kids or destroy their self esteem.
My moms current boyfriend is like the father i never had. He's always helping me and offering support. He never hits my mom and when he does get upset with my mom which is rare, he just goes on a drive to cope. He asked me if I wanted to go live with him and mom in the near future. It would be in the woods and I'd be able to work for his company.
I just feel so free. Im still processing everything. It feels unreal that im finally thinking straight and can see a bright future for myself.
26-30, M
