The fear of hypocrisy.
Protecting my right to condemn others without hypocrisy is apparently something that matters to me to the point of influencing my own behavior. 😂😂😂 I call it the voter's right. See there's a general rule in society that if you didn't vote you can't complain about the government because you didn't use your power to affect change. The principle is simple, no one respects hypocrites.
I have a cousin who has a thing for dating married men and I lost all respect for her because of it. Growing up she was a sister to me,she was raised as my sister because her parents died. I used to love her with my entire heart, I idealised her. When I found out about her habitual affairs I stopped viewing her as my sister and she became my cousin. (There are other factors,other harmful stuff she's done.) Everything positive she does is stained to me. I've always wondered how she lives with herself. Well I found myself faced with the prospect of giving into my selfish desires and pursuing someone in a relationship. I too was tempted, boy oh boy, was I tempted.
It would've been so easy to use our mutual feelings for each other to justify an affair but I didn't. After I realised I was developing feelings for him I stopped encouraging any mutual disparaging of his partner. I refused to bad mouth his fiancé and even told him we couldn't talk about his relationship so as to not become the other woman emotionally. I told him that I couldn't be the person he turned to with his deepest emotions,that that was his fiancé's job. I went out of my way to keep things kosher and not act on my growing feelings.
When it became evident that these feelings were very much mutual and powerful, I still chose not to act on them. I did this for several reasons,including the fact that I didn't want to lose my right to condemn my cousin and people like her,aka my ex. If I become that which I condemn then I am a fraud, a morally reprehensible selfish hypocrite who values her own pleasure above the health and safety of others.
Feelings pass but the consequences of acting on them linger long after they're gone. That's what karma is,the consequences of our actions. That's why we must contemplate our feelings before acting on them. Feelings are blind and logic is without bias. That's why logic must first mediate the emotions before we act. I have been working for years to train myself to lead with my prefrontal cortex and not my amygdala. That process looks like this:
1. Pinkmoon feels
2. Pinkmoon evaluates the information conveyed by the feelings.
3. Pinkmoon uses her cognitive faculties to formulate a healthy reaction.
4. Pinkmoon reacts to the feelings appropriately.
Before years of therapy, self work and spiritual meditation this was my process:
1. Pinkmoon feels.
2. Pinkmoon acts.
3. Pinkmoon feels regret and wishes she could go back and make a better decision./ Says things like "I don't know what came over me." Or "That's not who I really am."
Self-control is a journey we must travel everyday. Self-control is a choice to lead with logic, not feelings. Using feelings to justify your actions is stupid. Use the potential consequences of those feelings to inform your actions. Becoming like my cheating ex is a consequence I decided was too great to bear. Becoming like my cousin and finding joy in another woman's sorrow was a consequence too great to bear. Hating myself for becoming that which I condemned was a consequence too great to bear. Shaming my family was a consequence too great to bear. All these potential repercussions made it easy to walk away and cut any contact with him. No amount of pleasure, warm romantic feelings,butterflies and sex could ever be worth all of that.
I talk about Karma a lot because a lot of people get it wrong. Karma isn't about others getting some punitive justice sent by a heavenly being, it's about the consequences of your actions upon YOUR OWN LIFE. It's not about looking outwards but looking inwards. It's about learning to calculate and contemplate your actions in order to make them work for you. Temporary pleasure doesn't work for me but against me. That same principle is why I'm 6 years alcohol free. Karma is about self-awareness, self-accountability, and self-actualisation. A lack of self-awareness and self-accountability leads to self-destruction. Self-actualisation allows you to grow positively and reach the best of your potential. Self-destruction makes you destroy your potential and isolates you to the worst version of yourself.
The best version of you leads to the best version of society. The world needs you at your best bud,your special magic could be just what we need to heal.
I have a cousin who has a thing for dating married men and I lost all respect for her because of it. Growing up she was a sister to me,she was raised as my sister because her parents died. I used to love her with my entire heart, I idealised her. When I found out about her habitual affairs I stopped viewing her as my sister and she became my cousin. (There are other factors,other harmful stuff she's done.) Everything positive she does is stained to me. I've always wondered how she lives with herself. Well I found myself faced with the prospect of giving into my selfish desires and pursuing someone in a relationship. I too was tempted, boy oh boy, was I tempted.
It would've been so easy to use our mutual feelings for each other to justify an affair but I didn't. After I realised I was developing feelings for him I stopped encouraging any mutual disparaging of his partner. I refused to bad mouth his fiancé and even told him we couldn't talk about his relationship so as to not become the other woman emotionally. I told him that I couldn't be the person he turned to with his deepest emotions,that that was his fiancé's job. I went out of my way to keep things kosher and not act on my growing feelings.
When it became evident that these feelings were very much mutual and powerful, I still chose not to act on them. I did this for several reasons,including the fact that I didn't want to lose my right to condemn my cousin and people like her,aka my ex. If I become that which I condemn then I am a fraud, a morally reprehensible selfish hypocrite who values her own pleasure above the health and safety of others.
Feelings pass but the consequences of acting on them linger long after they're gone. That's what karma is,the consequences of our actions. That's why we must contemplate our feelings before acting on them. Feelings are blind and logic is without bias. That's why logic must first mediate the emotions before we act. I have been working for years to train myself to lead with my prefrontal cortex and not my amygdala. That process looks like this:
1. Pinkmoon feels
2. Pinkmoon evaluates the information conveyed by the feelings.
3. Pinkmoon uses her cognitive faculties to formulate a healthy reaction.
4. Pinkmoon reacts to the feelings appropriately.
Before years of therapy, self work and spiritual meditation this was my process:
1. Pinkmoon feels.
2. Pinkmoon acts.
3. Pinkmoon feels regret and wishes she could go back and make a better decision./ Says things like "I don't know what came over me." Or "That's not who I really am."
Self-control is a journey we must travel everyday. Self-control is a choice to lead with logic, not feelings. Using feelings to justify your actions is stupid. Use the potential consequences of those feelings to inform your actions. Becoming like my cheating ex is a consequence I decided was too great to bear. Becoming like my cousin and finding joy in another woman's sorrow was a consequence too great to bear. Hating myself for becoming that which I condemned was a consequence too great to bear. Shaming my family was a consequence too great to bear. All these potential repercussions made it easy to walk away and cut any contact with him. No amount of pleasure, warm romantic feelings,butterflies and sex could ever be worth all of that.
I talk about Karma a lot because a lot of people get it wrong. Karma isn't about others getting some punitive justice sent by a heavenly being, it's about the consequences of your actions upon YOUR OWN LIFE. It's not about looking outwards but looking inwards. It's about learning to calculate and contemplate your actions in order to make them work for you. Temporary pleasure doesn't work for me but against me. That same principle is why I'm 6 years alcohol free. Karma is about self-awareness, self-accountability, and self-actualisation. A lack of self-awareness and self-accountability leads to self-destruction. Self-actualisation allows you to grow positively and reach the best of your potential. Self-destruction makes you destroy your potential and isolates you to the worst version of yourself.
The best version of you leads to the best version of society. The world needs you at your best bud,your special magic could be just what we need to heal.
