Going to visit my brother tomorrow

And I always notice I get into this space of sadness, and isolation. And then I notice I have to prevent myself from crying. Which I dont like to do but I know its a part of being the eldest sister and I cant cry in front of my siblings. But my heart hurts so bad. Every single time. I talked to him yesterday and he was mentioning to me that a lady friend of his went to visit the city im planning to move to and was almost potentially raped. I could hear the concern in his voice for me. And I had to pretend that I wasn’t just raped and reassure him that id be okay. Who is the big sister to the big sister. My heart is so sad