Unimportant Random Musings in the Wee Hours of the Morning

Have you ever gone through something you thought would kill you, only to realize when you can finally breathe again, parts of you are missing?
Bits and pieces of you are lost?
Like the excitement you used to feel for life and new adventures.
Or the belief in humanity...love...
The knowledge that the part of you that could once trust another is gone.
Maybe it's the realization that all you used to yearn for in life and hold dear really means nothing at all anymore.
Maybe it is all of the above.
Nothing seems as bright and shiny...as hopeful as it once did.
Somehow, some part of you has been lost, irreparably damaged, died...
I wonder.... Is that a good thing?
Are you better off without the ability to feel, want, yearn for things you may or may not ever find?
Is it better to live without trust so no one can ever find that deepest part of you to betray again?
Is it better to live with a quiet heart that still sees much but feels very little?
Is it better, to do without all that everyone says makes life worthwhile?
I don't know.
But I honestly don't believe it matters.
I think there are simply some things you never find your way home from.
Life doesn't come with replacement cost insurance...after a catastrophy, you aren't guaranteed everything will be replaced to an "as was" or "like new" condition.
We aren't guaranteed anything - except that we will experience periods of joy and laughter as well as heartache and pain.
You just never know which will last longer or which will ultimately be more abundant.
Or more damaging.
At best....life is a crap shoot. And you never know if you're holding the lucky loaded dice or if you'll throw snake eyes.
All we can do after a bad run, is to figure out if we even care to roll the dice again.
That is, if you can even still find the dice anymore or if they have gone missing too.
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