Why am I feeling uncomfortable now I don't get it 🤔

I been drawing an illustration of an old photo of my grandpa who I lost almost 8 months ago and it's actually a challenge but I do like to challenge myself but anyway in the photo he's carrying like the 5 months old me on his lap. I am totally fine drawing him but once I started drawing myself I got so uncomfortable and started getting so nostalgic and weird and it made me think about my life now and how complicated everything is and all. I wish he was carrying someone else, I chose the photo because it has good lighting in it.
I think I have to stop drawing for today, I don't really have to do a lot today anyway because I have physiotherapy which takes a huge chunk off of my day.

It's also the day itself I just don't feel like doing anything at all and I have zero motivation. Also being in pain isn't really helping. There's a chance my therapist will ask why the hell do I look sad and I wouldn't know what to say. I'm not really used to talk about my feelings or issues I always look at other people and wonder how the hell do they do it.

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HootyTheNightOwl

Did you suffer as much when you were younger??? You could be feeling as you do now because you remember times when you weren't in as much pain and you were able to do more than you can now. That would explain why you feel the way that you do.

It might help you to open up to your therapist if you can. S/he might be able to suggest things that might help you to deal with how you are feeling right now.

PiecingBabyFaceTogether · 31-35, M

@HootyTheNightOwl Up till 11 years old everything was normal then my health ruined it all for me.

I don't have access to therapy, I meant my physiotherapist.

HootyTheNightOwl

@PiecingBabyFaceTogether Yes, that would explain it, then. You were old enough to remember life before you got sick and started to suffer with your health. It's only natural that you will miss that time in your life and want it back.

One thing I miss about able bodied life is being able to go out for the day without asking myself how long I can force my exhausted and aching body to carry on for... and, how long it will be before I start to feel human again afterwards. I hate the fact that I may never again do so many things that able bodied people just do without thinking about.

If they're just a physiotherapist, you are within your rights to tell them to just do their job. You don't have to tell them about anything that doesn't relate to their job if you don't want to.