its hard going through life when you have no one...so i need to just get some things off my chest here..
let me explain a little better than the headline shows..
its not like i haven't had people to help me periodically through life whether it be with money, fixing a car/vehicle for me or anything in my home, maybe given me a ride when needed or lending their vehicle if mine was broke down, or an ear to listen to me which is rare i go out of my way to call someone to VENT or anything i start talking to someone some times it just helps getting my mind off things but usually never purposefully to go out of my way to vent, i have even asked for help to clean my house when things have been overwhelming. These things yes in life i had various people ocassionally do these things for me and a few of these more so than others and more frequently.
I just mean support wise, when i am down and out and feeling in the dumps i don't try to find anyone to talk to and make a point to get things off my chest even if its to say i am lonely and need someone why? cause some times just doing that will send me off the deep end and i will get emotional over it and start talking about the things that are painful for me and i just don't wanna burden others with my issues and i absolutely don't wanna get emotional over it either. I don't really ask for help emotionally wise. i hold so much in its crazy!!
Holding things in doesn't mean i don't share thoughts and feelings with anyone but i don't do it in a way that one would really know and tell that there is some underlying hurt and pain in what is being said so it gets brushed off as a momentary thought or something i am sharing in the moment!!!
its a lonely world but...BUT...i am learning on my own to deal with these things but i am also trying to understand myself also and get thru it all by myself with no ones help or telling me that i need to. I keep to myself, i hide, i worry about what others think of me when out in public so therefore i avoid it at all cost..i love people which is wierd i say i hate going where crowds of people..but its not caue i hate people..i am more concerned with how others view me..so thats an issue i worry about what others think of me. i wonder why Can't I go to others??
they sure the hell ain't gonna come to me...not one person has ever!!!! and i am not exaggerating at all.
today is not a good day
cause i feel a lot of hurt and pain just a little more than i usually do and i just feel it would be good to share here just to get it out.
and suck the tears up
and move on
as i ALWAYS do!!!
oh did i mention i have no friends!! a few people i chat with but not "friends" tho they are kinda of friends
its not like i haven't had people to help me periodically through life whether it be with money, fixing a car/vehicle for me or anything in my home, maybe given me a ride when needed or lending their vehicle if mine was broke down, or an ear to listen to me which is rare i go out of my way to call someone to VENT or anything i start talking to someone some times it just helps getting my mind off things but usually never purposefully to go out of my way to vent, i have even asked for help to clean my house when things have been overwhelming. These things yes in life i had various people ocassionally do these things for me and a few of these more so than others and more frequently.
I just mean support wise, when i am down and out and feeling in the dumps i don't try to find anyone to talk to and make a point to get things off my chest even if its to say i am lonely and need someone why? cause some times just doing that will send me off the deep end and i will get emotional over it and start talking about the things that are painful for me and i just don't wanna burden others with my issues and i absolutely don't wanna get emotional over it either. I don't really ask for help emotionally wise. i hold so much in its crazy!!
Holding things in doesn't mean i don't share thoughts and feelings with anyone but i don't do it in a way that one would really know and tell that there is some underlying hurt and pain in what is being said so it gets brushed off as a momentary thought or something i am sharing in the moment!!!
its a lonely world but...BUT...i am learning on my own to deal with these things but i am also trying to understand myself also and get thru it all by myself with no ones help or telling me that i need to. I keep to myself, i hide, i worry about what others think of me when out in public so therefore i avoid it at all cost..i love people which is wierd i say i hate going where crowds of people..but its not caue i hate people..i am more concerned with how others view me..so thats an issue i worry about what others think of me. i wonder why Can't I go to others??
they sure the hell ain't gonna come to me...not one person has ever!!!! and i am not exaggerating at all.
today is not a good day
cause i feel a lot of hurt and pain just a little more than i usually do and i just feel it would be good to share here just to get it out.
and suck the tears up
and move on
as i ALWAYS do!!!
oh did i mention i have no friends!! a few people i chat with but not "friends" tho they are kinda of friends
46-50, F
