I'm about to turn 21 soon, yet I feel like a kid. Hear me out below...

I go to university, work, pay rent with my parents. Have excellent credit score. Pay my car. Work out. Don't do drugs or don't want to consume alcohol. Eat healthy. And meditate every once in a while.

The thing is I am a tomboy. I mix my clothes with some femininity and some masculinity. Yet I'm still a woman.

I look at these other women who are older than me, who are more feminine than me and I think to myself, "Is this what an adult woman should be like?"

I wonder to myself if it's okay for me to still be a tomboy.
I do all those things in the first paragraph, but I still feel like a kid. I notice around me that "adults" don't really joke around with the kid inside them. Rather it's mundane and monotonous humor with adults. I notice that adult women, I also don't really relate to either. I don't fit in anywhere. Do I need to just "Grow up?" I don't know.

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SomeMichGuy · M

Nadya, 21 is a landmark birthday, but don't be so worried about this. By your own admission, you are doing REALLY well! College, job, car, paying bills AND a great credit score--you are way ahead of the "game"!

You might look up something called the [i]Desiderata,[/i] something which was a minor furor years ago, but which had a number of tips about living which might be helpful.

In your case in particular, it says that you shouldn't compare yourself to others, because it can make you both vain (because you can always find people worse off/worse than you) and bitter (because you can always find people who are better off/better than you).

You mention your humor, too. Sounds as though you are fun, maybe have a ready smile & laugh, good sense of humor. GREAT! It is part of what makes you YOU h not people who have forgotten how to laugh, etc.

Tomboy? Has "gender theory" made you obsess about this stuff? You are who you are, and, to me, "tomboy" means "low maintenance", which I personally view as a GREAT thing; means sure, you are a woman, but you are comfortable with yourself & don't need to spend/waste all sorts of money trying to chase fads. Jeans can be very sexy, and don't have to be designer.

Fitting in? If people don't accept you as an individual, if they can't appreciate you for yourself, do you really want to fit in with them? You need people who don't need you to be something you were shown in advertising propaganda (which is MEANT to sell you soap, shampoo, conditioner, lotion, anti-persperant, toothpaste, other hair products, other skin products, nail polish, underwear, shoes, jewellry, clothing, purses, etc., etc., etc., all in the latest colors, patterns, materials, cuts/lengths/styles, combinations in order to demonstrate your conformity to an unattainable ideal. Do you REALLY think that Cindy Crawford looks like herself because of a melon grown in Southern France? Cindy Crawford looks like Cindy Crawford because of her genes, and looks better than most people even rolling out of bed in the morning, because she is genetically blessed, not because that doctor found out anything about that melon.

You are who you are, and you have already made something of yourself; go home, thank your parents, hug them, and keep up the good work.

Remember, you are at an awkward age for becoming an adult, sort of the next transition time beyond the so-called "tween" years (we should have a name for it!).

[PS, the cortex which deals with decision-making in your brain doesn't finish developing until you are around 24...so maybe you will feel more..."right" in a few years.]