Our talks seem to be the same everytime, but once I ask her for advice, her face lights up?

@kayoshin Do you think I could annoy her with that at some point?

@scooogy Well you can already read her so you should be able to see when you're in the annoying zone. Also you can flip it on her and ask what's a question or issue that's eating her or if she ever had similar issues /questions since you take it out of the work talk you can give some insight too. Also if you're bugging her cause you like her just ask her out already.

@kayoshin I got a feeling like the "right time" to ask her out depends on her cycle.

@scooogy Yes and.. no. I mean some girls are mean as hell on the cycle others show no change in behaviour. Just ask her whenever you got her laughing and don't overthink stuff.

@kayoshin Just reading this makes me overthink because of fear of rejection :/

@scooogy you know that the more you drag things out the more you go towards rejection cause either she gets bored/annoyed or sticks you in the friend zone or some other guy swoops in and takes his chances.

@kayoshin I've seen people go all in during high school, and most of them ended up in poverty. I've worked hard for getting where I am now, this is why I'd prefer maintaining a few standards in my life. But on the other hand I somehow can't deal with how she views herself in her job life, like "a lemming in the system".

@scooogy How about talking about past relationships of hers?

@scooogy umm I'm confused is she your boss, will she fire you if you try to date her or what is this poverty stuff you're talking about?
Getting a girlfriend won't ruin you or make you lose your job unless you're a moron that can't see a gold digger and know when to walk away.
Take a chance, otherwise you'll always wonder what if, and really kick yourself in the balls if you find out she liked you, but years later when she's happily married and tells it to you as a happy nostalgia factoid.

@kayoshin She already told me she doesn't want to get married. But I fear ruining our friendship (and no, I'm just a customer at the shop she works in). I mean we know each other for almost 2 years now. And I already showed her that I cared about her and that I like her. But everytime people tell me that she seems to like me to and that I should ask her out makes me feel like lose control of things, because in the past, my girlfriends left me each for reasons of boredom or a lack of sex.

@scooogy boo don't go there. 1. You want her to asociate you with FUN not with talk of assholes 2. You don't want to know how good her other ex was ramming her but wasn't right cause he was emotionally unavailable (you'll only remember that you will never measure up to his bed performance memory)

Stay away from that talk. Shell inevitably bring it up anyway if you get close enough, but ideally you say you don't care about her past lovers and shut it down fast unless she really really has to share. You sound insecure enough you don't need that grief untill your relationship has some foundation to sit on.

@scooogy well try to sex more often... Or buy her a dildo... But you should probably not 5hink so far ahead man, you're crying about sex and marriage when you didn't get the date yet. It's not a problem untill it is a problem! Don't get ahead of yourself.

@kayoshin I meanwhile have a feeling like despite the hate on men being leaders in relationships, that "foundation to sit on" consists of just that. Like I'd protect and somehow nurture her. Even though I'm younger than her.

@scooogy eh protect her from what? Dragons? Pirates?
She's a woman in the 21st century she has her own job, she doesn't need protection, she needs a partner. Just be cool and have fun with her that's what the song says man: girls just wanna have fun.

@kayoshin my fun consists of watching movies and tv shows. I've lacked of social life the past 7 years of my life due to university.

@scooogy well perhaps her fun too, or perhaps it's time to let her teach you what fun is, that's why it's a partnership mN, you don't have to bring everything to the table both people put in something otherwise it never works long term. So chill out your brain on pause and take a chance. At least if she tells you to fuck off you know you're wasting your time and you can look for love somewhere else.

@kayoshin I once told her that I felt stressed by my work and she said "there are ways to distract yourself" and days before that I overheard her talk about how she tried gambling, but within limits. Do you think this is what was on her mind when saying that?

@scooogy well, I am not a mind reader. And generally with women you'll mostly get in trouble if you try to decode their thinking or hints... If you have a question I know this sounds like crazy but: ask it. It's easy: " what kind of ways? What would you do?" If you add a smile it even counts as flirting (don't grin like a moron and freak her out... Or do maybe she likes it.. fuck it be yourself she probably knows how you are by now. :)

@kayoshin could rushing things ruin it though?

@scooogy I didn't say ask her to have your babies and cosign on a mortgage.
Just ask her out for a coffe or a pizza, see if you click outside of work. You might find out it's you who doesn't like her( real life version of people is not the same as when they are on the job most of the times especially in the service industry).
If you just ask her to spend some time together it's not pushing it. If she asks you if it's a date say it only is if she wants it to be, if not it's two people enjoying each others company without work in the way.

@kayoshin what if she'd like it to be a date but I don't yet?

@scooogy that's silly. Why would you not want it. You either want to date her or you don't. There is no yet. Dating isn't physical, dating just means she acknowledges that you have more than a friendly interest in her so you WANT her to say it's a date it means your chances are better otherwise she is not sure that she likes you or if she just likes you as a friend.
You don't get that luxury, since you are already thinking about her the only option in your mind is date. The yet is just fear.

@kayoshin It's fear because whilst dates of mine went way too far during the first date in my opinion, some of them seemed to have lost interest in me because I didn't seem to open up enough.

@scooogy well here's the trick: stop making it about you. Guess what: you don't matter much. It's about her. You're just there to allow her to have fun and know you if she feels like it. Just try to be in the moment and not in the future nor scared of the past. Ask her about herself I mean there has to be a lot you don't know about her and don't be afraid to go on tangents so you don't dry up a subject. Avoid any leading questions and avoid any question that can be answered by yes or no and if she cheats and answers with yes or no call her out on it and challenge her. It usually works and stretches any conversation unless she really dislikes you.

@kayoshin and about being closed: the same rule applies to you, don't answer Anything with yes or no. Even if it's a yes or no question you say yes-because.... No-because...
Allow her to see a little how your mind works (though there is something called oversharing) just try to keep the conversation going and if you can tie things to events or jokes or even silly things like pop culture references go for it (as long as you don't see her wanting to hang herself from boredom) . What she'll remember is that she can talk to you for hours and not get into dead ends.