So...how kinky/crazy is this?
As part of my current trend of revealing my crazy side, I'd like to confess something and see how others here react, give all the amateur psychologists something to chew on...
All my life I have been convinced of something that depresses and frightens me but I can't talk myself out of. I am convinced that I will die one of two miserable ways: I will either be murdered or executed as a condemned prisoner.
I am not at all sure why I believe this. I've never wanted to kill anyone. And I take a lot of careful precautions against being a violent crime victim. I live in an upper class neighborhood in a small almost crime free community. I do not have a criminal history or record. There is no real reason I should be a murderer or murder victim.
But somehow these thoughts persist. I go to sleep at night after checking every locked door in the house, and feel relieved when I wake up the next day alive, and having escaped murder.
I never talk about this to anyone, even my closest friends. I consider this board the only place I've ever discussed any of my craziest stuff. Please, no profanity or name calling. I already know I'm one of the kooks, if not the kinks, on here.
Oh, yeah, one more thing: Yes, I have spent some helpful time (3-4 years) in therapy due to my horrible childhood. And, yes, I am currently seeing a psychotherapist AND a psychiatrist (covered by my health insurance) both of whom have helped me.
All my life I have been convinced of something that depresses and frightens me but I can't talk myself out of. I am convinced that I will die one of two miserable ways: I will either be murdered or executed as a condemned prisoner.
I am not at all sure why I believe this. I've never wanted to kill anyone. And I take a lot of careful precautions against being a violent crime victim. I live in an upper class neighborhood in a small almost crime free community. I do not have a criminal history or record. There is no real reason I should be a murderer or murder victim.
But somehow these thoughts persist. I go to sleep at night after checking every locked door in the house, and feel relieved when I wake up the next day alive, and having escaped murder.
I never talk about this to anyone, even my closest friends. I consider this board the only place I've ever discussed any of my craziest stuff. Please, no profanity or name calling. I already know I'm one of the kooks, if not the kinks, on here.
Oh, yeah, one more thing: Yes, I have spent some helpful time (3-4 years) in therapy due to my horrible childhood. And, yes, I am currently seeing a psychotherapist AND a psychiatrist (covered by my health insurance) both of whom have helped me.
70-79, F
