Do you ever feel horrible for being alive?

When you want to say something but it might make it worse. When you have said something to make someone happy but feel like shit because it makes you uneasy inside. When you want so bad to do something and have lost all motivation in life that do it. When you want to trust someone with all your heart and find its like stabbing yourself (real physical pain) because you know deep down its not their fault you don’t trust anyone. When life is so overwhelming you want to have never existed in the first place.