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raysam363 · 31-35, F
I used to be, but after a while the fear fades. That's when you know you're not doing well.
ShaythePanTransMan · 22-25, T
@raysam363 I understand what you mean....
raysam363 · 31-35, F
@ShaythePanTransMan At this point, if I find a home for the cats I'm not around much longer. While bad, I at least understand this.
raysam363 · 31-35, F
@ShaythePanTransMan No, I've been pretty messed up for... most of my life. Sometimes it is what it is.
ShaythePanTransMan · 22-25, T
@raysam363 Is there anything that makes you happy? :(
raysam363 · 31-35, F
@ShaythePanTransMan I have nothing to hide, but honestly I haven't felt real happiness in years. Even things I like have become just tolerable. Don't mean to get all dark.
ShaythePanTransMan · 22-25, T
@raysam363 It sounds very serious. Do you have a therapist or medication?
raysam363 · 31-35, F
@ShaythePanTransMan Therapist, meds were awful. And yeah, I know it's really bad. It's an interesting perspective, being aware. Unfortunately it makes rationalizing things easy.
ShaythePanTransMan · 22-25, T
@raysam363 Have you ever tried dialectical behavior therapy? Maybe weed with low THC and high CBD could help you. (High THC can fuck you up badly if you have mental issues.) Rationalizing?
raysam363 · 31-35, F
@ShaythePanTransMan I've tried various types of THC treatments (illegal, but my therapist is willing to bend some rules) and it didn't do much. Just felt lazy. Also I had to grow up fast, so I'm able to rationalize almost every aspect of life. Which means I can see pros and cons of suicide, and the balance is constantly shifting.
ShaythePanTransMan · 22-25, T
@raysam363 Oh.... I see.