On loneliness

I work more than I'd like to. Between that, cooking, and going to the gym, I don't have a lot of time to do anything else. I like to spend that free time that I do have reading. I hate TV and movies. I don't drink or anything like that. I bet you can imagine how much fun I am to be around. All this considered, I have no social life.

I don't really have anyone in my life. Nobody to talk to. No friends. Nothing. I hardly have contact with my family. I'm desperate for human interaction to the point that I've resorted to going shopping for the purpose of being around people. And I almost invariably walk around alone, saying nothing. What could I say to people who have better things to be doing? What could I possibly hope to achieve from that?

I want people in my life, but I can't envision a world in which that is actually the case. I don't do things that involve other people. I can't help but view [i]typical socializing[/i] as a group of people getting together and wasting time. I find smiling to be a chore, I'm pessimistic in a lot of ways, and I have very unpopular opinions. Were I to take the place of anyone else, I would probably find my previous self very off-putting.

I don't meet anyone. I don't really know how I'd go about that. It seems like most people meet new people through their existing social connections. What's an island to do? Should I even make a friend by some miracle, I can't help but think that my lack of social connections would seem very alarming and my lack of social practice would make me seem pretty weird.

I've been wondering if the place I moved to is related to how I've been feeling. It just doesn't feel like home. I guess home never did either.