I really hate how harshly women judge each other.

I have a theory about this. Vocabulary, especially vocabulary of the young, especialky vocabulary of young women, is angry, abrasive and demeaning. Epithets and slurs are common every day words, often used as inverted terms of endearment. How we think influences how we talk and how we talk influences how we think.

I think at least part of it is right there - vocabulary.