Will I make it?
I am ashamed of who I am.
I am unemployed now. I worked as a biology and English teacher at a school where neither subject was seen as important. Working in a religious school meant that I was always scrutinised for my non-religious teaching methods. The school administration was sexist and the gender pay gap enormous as I found out after I quit. Four years I worked there. Six days at school, evenings and Sundays as a private tutor I worked 24/7.
Funny how I have nothing to show for it. I see everyone around me go forward in their lives. People work hard, face problems and then reap benefits. My own sister is achieving things I really want to be doing. I am angry with myself for feeling like such a failure and I hate the fact that my jealousy and depression are getting the better of me. I have no peace. Everyday morning starts with another rejection or " we don't have any positions for you" email.
I can't seem to find anyone to talk to about this.
I am not a slacker. I am not a quitter but if I keep going from one harmful relationship to a toxic job to loneliness and depression. I am afraid I may break soon.
I am unemployed now. I worked as a biology and English teacher at a school where neither subject was seen as important. Working in a religious school meant that I was always scrutinised for my non-religious teaching methods. The school administration was sexist and the gender pay gap enormous as I found out after I quit. Four years I worked there. Six days at school, evenings and Sundays as a private tutor I worked 24/7.
Funny how I have nothing to show for it. I see everyone around me go forward in their lives. People work hard, face problems and then reap benefits. My own sister is achieving things I really want to be doing. I am angry with myself for feeling like such a failure and I hate the fact that my jealousy and depression are getting the better of me. I have no peace. Everyday morning starts with another rejection or " we don't have any positions for you" email.
I can't seem to find anyone to talk to about this.
I am not a slacker. I am not a quitter but if I keep going from one harmful relationship to a toxic job to loneliness and depression. I am afraid I may break soon.
