Am I crazy?

I had to abort for health reasons and because the father was a jerk. I'm young, single, studying, unemployed. It would be the end of my life, I would be undateable.

I had to do it, but I secretly wish I never did. I have counselling to deal with it but.

Recently Ive been having fantasies of being pregnant again, even for my friend, who has his own home and a good job.
I've been wanting to have a little human again, have a family, have someone to love and adore forever.

I know I'm being an idiot. I know that is silly, especially since my termination wasn't long ago.

It's just such a fascination and thing I want so badly to 'accidentally' happen.

Worst is - I haven't taken birth control since..

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firefall · 61-69, M

yes, you're acting crazy at the moment. Not too surprising given what your father did to your head.

But, if there were actual health reasons, the rest of it doesnt matter - there's no point getting pregnant while it's going to be dangerous to you.

VioletSea · 26-30, F

@firefall By father I meant my ex, but I understand what you are saying.

firefall · 61-69, M

@VioletSea oh! thats pretty manipulative of him, then. But then, being a single mother is a really, really tough gig. If you can manage it, hold off til you have someone who will stick around, at least.

VioletSea · 26-30, F

@firefall I think I am going crazy because the man I am recently involved with is your age! I told him I need emergency birth control and he said 'later, if the universe says so it's so'. He was very drunk saying that but I think I'm not being smart, getting myself near that situation with a willing man it seems.

firefall · 61-69, M

@VioletSea I'd say you're right. It's perfectly natural to be a bit crazy, because your hormones will still be quite out of the normal order, after your termination, but someone my age almost certainly wont stick around (lets face it, he's going to be dead/demented by the time any kid grows up, at that point).

I'd really urge you to get birth control of some sort, preferably one where you dont have to remember daily at this point (your subconscious could easily sabotage you if it relies on remembering). You've got a lot of time to choose to have a child, ahead of you.