Would you choose a person who gives you the life you want or the one who gives you the love you desire?

@SerenitiesScars Distance from the detail. It would be the life you want and they could provide it.

I really couldn't say.. Am I going to be unloved then?? How is that a life anyone would want??

Alternatively I'd like to add that my cousin is picking someone who would provide him neither of those things... He's simply been horrible at talking to girls and his desperation for any kind of a relationship has landed him with someone just for the sake of being with someone and having sex.. So is that an option too???

@SerenitiesScars Love that we desire is different from not being loved at all.

Uff, I don't know. I guess if both parties have an arrangement then it works. But then, wouldn't you call it an arrangement for the life he wants?

Idk.. Too hard for me to pick on this one because I believe if I ever do get the one.. It will get me the other as well... Maybe I'm one of those hopeless romantic cases I guess..

No I would not.. Because everyone has expressly warned him that he's deluding himself.. He's talking fiction with this girl when he tells everyone.. "But my life will be like this and this and this now!" and we're all like... "Uhhhhh.. No dude, even she's told you it wont be like that.." He's seriously like just completely in that blind zone for whatever reason where he THINKS he's going to get everything he ever wanted no matter how blatantly obvious that he's getting the exact opposite of all that... Trust me.. You'd be baffled by how ridiculous it is.. Ashamed to say but it makes him look dumb... Not saying he is dumb.. He's great on so many things.. I just feel like he's a slave to his dick right now.. Finally getting a girl and sex and he thinks if he loses her he'll never have anything.. He's just at the most desperate point emotionally I guess..

@SerenitiesScars Hopeless romantic is not a bad thing, just don't put all your heart in it. Maybe I am too cynical, ignore me.

Well, yes he sounds deluded. But in his mind he has formed this fantasy and in his mind, he is going for the life he wants. In a twisted way because that is a delusion. But to him, it might be real.

K... 😌 I'll ignore you...

Well I feel he has a very good shot at his dreams of meeting the right person... This person shares literally not a damn thing in common with him.. It's an utter catastrophe.. She's already admitted to basically planning on cheating on him.. It's just a disgusting mess...

To me, I just look at him as unwell... I feel he needs a therapist.. Everyone tried to tell him to date around and that he doesn't have to marry the first girl who talks to him.. But he thinks he has to be loyal through even the dating phase?? Like not even the relationship phase.. Just the dating phase??

And now he's trying to get married near the same time as our other cousin to try and take away from his marriage... But we're all actually really excited for my other cousins marriage.. So to me all that's really going to do is take away from his own marriage..

@SerenitiesScars Yeah he sounds like a mess.

Yeah... I mean I get it.. I'm lonely too... But I want to at least be self aware and not whip my dick out for the first manipulator who comes my way and would rather try to find the right person...

@SerenitiesScars But like you say, he might have a mental issue. You don't. :) Don't compare.

It's more of a issue that I think he's cracking under stress... He's over a hundred and fifty thousand dollars in debt and is making near nothing to pay it back.. So I think it's cracking him up more than a little...

Trust me.. He never used to be this way... His standards were the highest of them all... All he used to talk about was how he was going to marry a model... From the first time we moved back down here from Washington.. That's all he could ever talk about was how high his standards were for girls.. She was going to exercise with him all the time.. (He's never really done so or put on muscle in his entire life so idk why he thought that one would even happen) She was going to be the envy of every other guy out there...

This girl is like his nightmare version of a girl... If you were to show him this girl 3 years ago and say "This is who you are going to marry" He would mock and ridicule you and be angry and upset at you for thinking that that's all he could get in his life...

xD I'm sorry for talking your ear off about all of this..

@SerenitiesScars Talk away. As you know, I'm always up for a good story. Although this is someones life and not a story but still, I find it all worth thinking about.

I really am just worried about him asking me to be a groomsmen... Because I don't want to do it..

The chick he plans on marrying is related to all these people I can't stand.. In particularly her two cousins.. Who there would be a high chance of having to walk down the aisle with them as you get into position...

@SerenitiesScars Make an excuse if he asks you.

I don't really have one... That's the problem..

Her cousins are literal sluts.. Like I said.. All this crap is crazy right.. Ready for another crazy story?

@SerenitiesScars Always. Bring it on.

Alright so here is how lame all of this is..

This chick starts dating my cousin.. So they of course become friends on facebook.. So her cousins see this, one of them adds him... (two of her cousins are twins but not identical twins) anyway her cousin adds him to facebook trying to contact him and be all friendly like..

And she literally starts trying to hook up with him.. Like we're at the point in my cousin and the chick he's dating already telling everyone they want to get engaged, and her cousin is all talking to him about the old days and how she always really liked him and how they could hook up, that all he has to do is drive down there to see her..

This chicks cousin already has like 6 kids... And it's just like dude wtf?? You've got 6 kids, she's still married.. But you want to hookup with someone who your cousin is dating?

And this is the kind of family my cousin wants to marry into.. To have all his family gathering events happen with..

@SerenitiesScars That was a mind fuck. And he doesn't see any warning bells himself?
Doesn't listen to people in your family?
Is there some other agenda at play?

Nope... Because she told him "I hate my family I want nothing to do with them.." And believe me, I'd believe that if I saw ANY qualities about this girl that validated her statements or edified her claims.. Cuz her family does suck.. but we've all met her and she sucks too.. And after all the things she's done with her recent actions.. I don't buy that shit at all.. It's just something she's saying cuz it's what he wants to hear. And obvious ruse...

Haha.. We've all tried.. I was the only one with the balls to straight out tell him all the facts of what everyone was saying behind closed doors.. He still just wants to keep his dick wet...

There's no agenda... He just thinks that she'll be loyal because she "Said" she has the same beliefs in him.. Like matching on politics/religion..

But to me ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS and on that front.. She and her family are the exact opposite as all of us and him...

The only agenda on his side that I can think of is that he really doesn't want a good girl in the "Sexual" sense... Because I've read his erotica he wrote.. And this girl basically has no, what's the word??? Idk I can't think of the word.. But you know, no qualms or objections to the kinky shit he wants to do..

Whereas other good innocent types of girls would probably be opposed to some if not all of his deviations and set some ground rules about what they're comfortable with..

Scruples is the word you want.

Well I guess it is his lesson to learn, if he wants to. I am not convinced he doesn't know at all what he is getting into but then you know him better.

Thanks.. Wish I had you around when I was writing that.. xD

Oh I agree... I think he knows to an extent... I think he just believes sex is going to be greater than what it is.. xD I also believe that he thinks he's going to be able to last for hours and hours on end.. :/ But I doubt that with him... Mostly cuz he acts like he's going to explode every time he slobbers all over her face in front of everyone... 🙄

🙄 He's really weird about shit.. He keeps trying to show everyone her picture and convince everyone that she's pretty or hot.. Like in a stupid frat boy kind of way like.. "Look what I'm hitting.." And we're all just like.. "Dude, you should be ashamed of that! Not proud!? TF!?"

I'm not one to call too many people ugly in this world.. But her and her cousins are just blech... :/ I think this is why this whole thing is such a mind bomb with me.. Like I can't get it.. None of us can get it.. He went from.. "Going to be a model!" to.. "Check out my uggo I'm dating!"

@SerenitiesScars Doesn't make sense indeed. I know very little and it's giving me a mind bomb from what you say so I can imagine how much more intense you are feeling because you actually see it happening.

But nothing more you can do about it now right? He has to learn his own way.

Yeah.. And he's my family.. And one of the cousins I've been closest to.. Probably more than all my other cousins.. So it hurts me because.. I just wanted the best for him... But it's almost like watching someone commit suicide... I just feel fucked up about.. Like I can't help..

Even when we all offered to help him find some sweet girls out there he adamantly refused..

Like you said.. The only ulterior agenda I can think of is that he wants someone with no scruples on whatever weird sex things pop in his head at the moment...

So I feel like he doesn't want to meet someone who's passionate and loving and tender and embracing in bed.. Just someone with all the gates open I guess..

Idk.. I just know that I don't like her.. And I refuse to have anything to do with her.. I'll support him from afar.. If he ever needs to talk.. But I want nothing to do with her or her family... I'll be at the wedding and clap or whatever.. I'm not going to be a bitch or anything to ruin his day.. Despite him trying to take away from our other cousins wedding..

I just know some of the shit she's said and done is fucked up.. Like I don't get it.. She even fucking talked to his dad that way man.. Like walked up to both of them and said "I know one thing in this marriage, I'm not going to please you!" At his dad then looked at my cousin and said "I'm not going to please you either!"

It's like man.. Is there any bigger wake up call you need? Like we've all been praying that God would open up their eyes to it.. And it's like he lets their tongue slip.. And they still just go with it..

His dad was soooooooooooo pissed when she said that... And my cousin was all confused like "You're not going to please me?" Idk man.. I'm just... Frazzled..

@SerenitiesScars Yeah I think you're right @ what he wants. You're a good man...and cousin of course. :)

I don't feel like I'm a good anything tbh...
I just know her plan is to sit on her ass.. Pop out some babies.. And divorce him in a few years time.. She's made it blatantly obvious that she doesn't plan on stopping him from marrying her.. But has basically told him that that's her end game.. she told him "How do I know what love is??? I'm so young!"

So then why the hell do you keep wanting to marry him and pop out babies if you don't know what love is because you're too young???

I mean besides the obvious answer of course that when she leaves him to collect child support and sleep around she'll say to him again.. "I tried to tell you I didn't know what love is or what I really wanted!"

But oh well... I'm sure you're tired of hearing it.. xD I'm sorry...

@SerenitiesScars No I am not tired at all. I can sense you're really worried for your cousin.