Is falling in love a natural instinct humans have?
Or is it something we're conditioned into experiencing when certain factors meet?
This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
I don't believe that humans have instincts. Psychology suggests that if everyone are presented with the right conditions you can make them do something specific. People happen to have reproductive organs that hardens/gets wet and irritated, which also makes us feel good when touched. This produces the necessary conditions for humans to feel a need too get with a partner since a wet tight space feels better than a hand, and because something warm, organic and smoot feels better than a sex toy.
Love is something we feel drawn towards because of this as well as our desire to belong and always have someone close to us. However most of all, I think that we complete each other, a woman's faults is a man's strengths, and the other way around.
Love is something we feel drawn towards because of this as well as our desire to belong and always have someone close to us. However most of all, I think that we complete each other, a woman's faults is a man's strengths, and the other way around.
1-25 of 32
SW-User
@MartinTheFirst This is true. But then your second paragraph suggests that love is instinctive. Through our subconscious we release the right pheromones and hormones for the people who trigger this response in us because of certain factors they meet.
But, was this something we learned as civilisation happened and we stopped being part of groups and more of units?
But, was this something we learned as civilisation happened and we stopped being part of groups and more of units?
SW-User
@MartinTheFirst but you fall in love with their personality... Too.. with their gestures and stuff.
With how they make you feel all in all sigh sigh sigh.
With how they make you feel all in all sigh sigh sigh.
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
@SW-User I believe that our desire to belong and always have someone close to us has been taught from birth and is not an instinct. Since we're brought up with parents, usually siblings, we're always surrounded by people and love. Ever since the first two people were created, this has been the case, and therefore it's regarded as a "instinct", but when you look at people who didn't feel love as children they tend to not be interested in stuff like that. This could also be explained through past traumas.
Yes then there is the biological factor that we actually do attract each other through chemicals, although I wouldn't say that these chemicals is a deal maker or breaker.
I believe I answered your question in this message
Yes then there is the biological factor that we actually do attract each other through chemicals, although I wouldn't say that these chemicals is a deal maker or breaker.
I believe I answered your question in this message
SW-User
@MartinTheFirst
I don't agree with this. I think they also crave love, they just do not know how to receive or give it.
but when you look at people who didn't feel love as children they tend to not be interested in stuff like that
I don't agree with this. I think they also crave love, they just do not know how to receive or give it.
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
SW-User
@MartinTheFirst Have you not come across such people Martin? Not even on SW? :)
I don't know. But the more I think about it, I think it is some kind of instinct. In the very old times when the hunter/gatherer scenario existed, people belonged in groups. As civilisation came in, people belonged in well knit communities, larger extended units and the 'in love' concept might not have been as strong. But as we've gone more isolated, 'in love' has become an in thing. Like a possessive emotion.
So I think the instinct is more to belong rather than to fall in love.
That is just me, thinking aloud.
I don't know. But the more I think about it, I think it is some kind of instinct. In the very old times when the hunter/gatherer scenario existed, people belonged in groups. As civilisation came in, people belonged in well knit communities, larger extended units and the 'in love' concept might not have been as strong. But as we've gone more isolated, 'in love' has become an in thing. Like a possessive emotion.
So I think the instinct is more to belong rather than to fall in love.
That is just me, thinking aloud.
SW-User
@MushroomFaerie I agree it will fuck a person up. But they will still crave for some human warmth, even love. They may just not know how to get it and so end up doing certain things the wrong way.
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
@SW-User I have, many times, and that is why I think that they are often not interested in love. The people I've encountered have been Asexual and don't understand love.
Then do you believe this instict comes from "preserving the species" or is simply a biological factor in the way our mind works, formed for unknown reasons or perhaps for no reason at all but to feel love.
@MushroomFaerie That's exactly what I'm getting at, thank you.
Then do you believe this instict comes from "preserving the species" or is simply a biological factor in the way our mind works, formed for unknown reasons or perhaps for no reason at all but to feel love.
@MushroomFaerie That's exactly what I'm getting at, thank you.
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
@SW-User
Then would that suggest an instict or would that suggest that they feel left out and broken, possibly wanting to regain what they lost?
I agree it will fuck a person up. But they will still crave for some human warmth, even love. They may just not know how to get it and so end up doing certain things the wrong way.
Then would that suggest an instict or would that suggest that they feel left out and broken, possibly wanting to regain what they lost?
@SW-User a sociopath can love but very rarely and can throw you away very easily. A borderline wants love more than anything, they have severe anxious attachment and will destroy there relationships but yes they feel love, a narcissist will only love you if you give them what they want a stroke their ego, they love themselves more than they can love another human being. They are all very toxic to anybody in a relationship. The borderline though I feel pain for because they feel love and they feel it more intensely than alot of other people but they will destroy it.
SW-User
@MartinTheFirst I have gotten to know a few, closely. And sexuality aside, they want affection.
I think every instinct we have has its root in preservation of ourselves and therefore in broader terms, our species. But it doesn't have to be the only thing that drives us.
I think belonging somewhere, with someone makes us feel better and we crave this. That's maybe just our instinct, along with what prepares us to procreate, although not necessary. So, just an instinct because we're hedonistic at nature and enjoy how it feels?
And then reproduction is biological as well as preservation.
I think every instinct we have has its root in preservation of ourselves and therefore in broader terms, our species. But it doesn't have to be the only thing that drives us.
I think belonging somewhere, with someone makes us feel better and we crave this. That's maybe just our instinct, along with what prepares us to procreate, although not necessary. So, just an instinct because we're hedonistic at nature and enjoy how it feels?
And then reproduction is biological as well as preservation.
SW-User
@MushroomFaerie But even a sociopath, as easy as it is for him/her to throw people, will come looking for it sooner or later. Fuck up'edness aside with how different personality disorders and personalities react, everyone is still drawn to love/ affection - albeit differently.
They are not functional with love but that doesn't mean they do not want it.
They are not functional with love but that doesn't mean they do not want it.
SW-User
@MushroomFaerie True @ psychopaths. They're the only class of people I am aware of that doesn't seek it.
Everyone else does, some way or another, functional or dysfunctional.
Everyone else does, some way or another, functional or dysfunctional.
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
SW-User
@MartinTheFirst It is interesting to know most peoples views. :P 'Tis why I ask so many qns and why my lovely 👀 name is what it is. Lol
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
SW-User
@MartinTheFirst Lol. Yes, lovely. :D
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
SW-User
@MartinTheFirst That's alright. My presence is enough to remind people of my gender and my age is irrelevant. :P
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
SW-User
@MartinTheFirst 😏 I know you like it. Lol
SW-User
@SW-User @MartinTheFirst you both aren't cream and peaches. 🐾 better to stop reading this 🐾
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
@SW-User Oh we're cream and peaches alright 😂
1-25 of 32