an isolated existence

What you've shared is deeply personal, and I want to say that it's a brave and honest reflection of where you are right now. It's not easy to open up about feelings of isolation, mental health struggles, and the longing for connection. Many people might not understand exactly what you're going through, but there are those who can relate on different levels.

Living an isolated existence for such a long time can feel like a heavy weight, especially when mental health challenges make reaching out or stepping outside even harder. The feeling of being "shut in" often amplifies loneliness and makes it harder to see a path forward.

The yearning for a life partner is something many can relate to, regardless of age. While it might feel daunting at nearly 47, connection is not bound by time or age. It’s never too late to find companionship, love, or even meaningful friendships. It might take unconventional paths—online communities, support groups, or even hobby-based virtual meetups—but the possibilities are there.

For now, it might help to focus on small steps toward opening up your world in ways that feel safe. Even finding an online community where you can talk to people with similar experiences could be a starting point. There are also groups and forums where others share their struggles with isolation, anxiety, and PTSD, which might make you feel less alone in your journey.

It's hard, and it sounds like you’ve been carrying so much by yourself for so long. But the fact that you’ve shared this, even here, shows that you still have hope, and that’s a powerful thing. You’re not alone in feeling this way, even if it feels like it sometimes. Keep reaching out, in small ways, as much as you can—it can make a difference.