Have you ever had a place you wanna go to, but then you don't really know who to ask to go with you? It's... Idk. Is this really part of adulting?

Is this normal?
Or is this a me thing?
Sometimes, I wonder.
I could probably ask people... but I don't for reasons. I also can't think of someone I'd feel really happy to go with. I mean, there are a few and we'd probably have fun, but...I just think that if they wanna spend time with me, then they'd be asking too. And I don't want the pressure of having to pay for other's expenses. It's kinda... it doesn't always feel good that you have to pay for the people you hang out with. As for those others that could pay for themselves, there's this hesitation that makes me not ask. Like, maybe they have people they'd rather spend time with. I don't know.
That, and other reasons, depending on the person concerned.
Maybe it's just me overthinking things.

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MasterofNone · 26-30, M

I mean yeah in many cases if you are asking someone to go out with you it's kind of expected of you to pay for them. It does not however mean that the reason they are not asking you to go out with them is because they don't want to hang out with you. Probably something else. I never ask people to go out with me but I wouldn't mind if they wanted me to go out with them (granted I was free which I am not often).

I love to go out on solo dates. ☺️
Probably my favourite activity. So if there's a place I wanna go to, I just go. And I have been this way since teenage so don't know if it's part of adulting. Being adults does make relationships complicated though.

Casheyane · 31-35, F

@MasterofNone Really? I guess it varies. The thing is when friends ask me to hang out, I don't expect them to pay. Same thing with them. It's just that for other people, like some cousins or stuff, we're kinda expected to pay. It depends on the person and the family, I suppose.

But yeah, right now, the factor adding to the sad is the distance. My friends live faraway lol. We get to hang out but just once in a while. Matching everyone's schedule is serious work.

Really? That's pretty cool. What's the one place you like going to solo if I may ask? Curious. I don't have problems going out alone. I tend to do that too. Just that in some other places, it's kinda expected to have company. Idk. Or maybe that's just my own expectations.

MasterofNone · 26-30, M

@Casheyane I guess I was wrong in saying "it is expected of you to pay". When I'm asked out somewhere I don't expect them to pay for me and I don't think they expect that either. But when I'm asking someone to go out with me I kind of feel like the responsibility of paying for them falls upon me since I was the one to ask them out.

Matching people's schedule is definitely a consequence of becoming an adult lol in fact the reason I like going out alone is because I can be spontaneous in my own time.

I mostly just choose to go to restaurants / cafe with a journal lol where I get my most ideas while waiting for the food. If it's not a time to eat then I go to park instead or just a normal walk in the nature. I have been to movie theatres alone as well.
When I'm with others I'm just excited to talk about stuff lol and not pay attention to the place so going to places alone where people go with others makes me more aware of the actual place instead. Initially it used to be uncomfortable ngl.

I definitely don't go to those places alone where it's risky to be alone. Safety first. But hey I've walked at night alone in the streets of Chicago so who am I to say.

Casheyane · 31-35, F

@MasterofNone I hope you don't take this the wrong way. Sometimes, I feel that way too. But being around those people tend to make me hold back a bit. Because it's so different when you have to pay for someone's time. Well, not really their time, but you get what I mean. I know for some people, money is hard, and in those cases, maybe it makes sense to pay for them. But I like to think that there are people who values you enough to actually hurt a bit and stay with you anyway. What do you think?

I do fancy going out alone once in a while. Shopping is therapy sometimes. It could be calming and freeing. Just use the time to relax without the worry of deadlines and work or stuff.

It sounds pretty fun. Those things you listed. You write poems or something? I wish I could go to a park, but there aren't much around. They tend to commercialize things. It kinda feels different now.

MasterofNone · 26-30, M

@Casheyane Oh yeah those freeloaders aren't worth it lol. But in my experience with all my acquaintances I think there's a balance of who pays when. If I pay this time then they'll pay the next time for sure. I am the one who delays scheduling an activity with someone else but I never forget. A few months ago I took a friend to a restaurant because they had invited me to their home twice to get home cooked lunch and I never had the time to return the courtesy especially with COVID around.

So if I have to pay for someone too many times I stop going places where I have to spend at all lol but I don't think that has ever happened to me yet.

Thanks:) I just write my thoughts. They are mostly regarding spiritual aspect of life but also sometimes they can be ideas related to potential products or apps that I'll never work on Lol but I have started working on some of my ideas.

I get what you mean about parks. Sometimes I play one of those nature walk YouTube videos with nature sounds to mimic that feel 😂 Never works that well but desperate times.....

I'm not much of a shopper but going to departmental store is always a refreshing experience for me. Sounds really weird to say it that way lol. I like bookstores. There aren't many around where I live.