I hate goodbyes but sometimes letting someone go is for the best

It has been so long but I had to let my ex boyfriend go live his life when he found happiness with a new woman. He felt that once he started dating her seriously and got engaged that it was not a good idea to remain good friends. He told me we would always be friends even if we didn’t work out as a couple before meeting her. I know I broke his heart first and what did I expect right? I wouldn’t have begrudged him finding new love again and I wouldn’t have sabotaged his relationship. But yes I was still in love with him. He asked me to please not to write to him so much because his gf would get suspicious and get different thoughts of being with him. He explained it and wished me to please take care of myself and have a good life. I wrote to him trying to preserve the friendship we had but since he never responded I gave up. I miss my true love and soulmate. He loved me very intensely and completely once upon a time . I was naive to think he could learn to love me as a friend and I would behave myself and treat him only as a good friend when he had his future wife. Even if he was single still I would have stayed only as a close friend because it would not be fair for him to be with me again with my problems like mental illness and low motivation to change my life for example. I did not want to hold him back waiting for me for many more years to achieve. Financial and psychological independence and to live on my own. I did not want him to be dealing with my mental illnesses like depression, schizophrenia, anxiety, and ptsd. There were several reasons. I feel our split was tragic. I lost my lover and best friend. But he is better off now living his life with his wife. I sometimes think of him and wonder. How he is doing. I can’t force him to be my friend. And I think though I hoped love never died that he no longer cares about what happens to me because even when I told him I had cancer a while back, not even then would he care enough to ask me how I f if ave been doing. I told him about all the negative situations in my life losing two grandparents, losing a loved dog, my sister got raped, and I developed cancer etc. ( I beat it as it was early stages but still) he never bothered to say anything. I was so angry for a while thinking how could he abandon me like this? What happened to the man who gave a damn about me? I also thought he knew what is was like to be discarded and forgotten so when he did that to me I was in disbelief. Anyway I hope he is happy now and blessed in his life. I know time doesn’t stop for anyone and life continues to move forward regardless of being stuck in the past and being heartbroken. I just wish I had kept him in my life and we could have remained good friends. But that’s not what he wants clearly. He was afraid of mistrust in his new relationship at the time from his fiancée. Though the truth he is not the cheating kind and I wouldn’t have tried to take him away from her to begin with as I’m not a home wrecker. But that wasn’t good enough. I’ll always love him but Io learn to live my life without him. He will always be there in my memories, dreams, and thoughts.