What is the deepest part of you that you ignore?

Grief. I refuse to hold onto it. So if i feel it creeping up i always stop it in it's tracks. And i refuse to visit gravesites because its just reliving it. My parents, my children, my siblings, my aunt and my grandmother are all in a family plot and several of my relatives will go to visit i always decline i send flowers but i never go. And they all get depressed afterwards I refuse to keep reliving something that i have no control over. I'd rather celebrate someone's life with happiness than mourn their death with sadness.