This sounds really bad but I will explain

Ive always felt bad ever since My dad told my mum lost the baby before I was born , but at the same time im really glad because I know how badly I was raised and treated , I wouldnt wish it on anyone and Im so happy the baby didnt have to suffer the way I did or worst. I actually wished I was the one they had lost but I think at least I suffered instead of that other baby , as I couldnt ever imagin how bad it would havd felt. I would have hated the thought if another child got abused by the men my mum brought home or it got beaten by my dad over accidently saying something bad or spilling something or the slighest mistake as thats how bad my dads temper was when my mum divocred him. Or had to go live with my dad after being abused that much they was removed then it was either foster care or live with my dad who was that poor due to not wanting to work , they couldnt shower for more than 5 miniuets once an week or wash their clothes even after wearing them 5 times over or not have enough food to eat and just have to eat mainly dry bread. And after growing up , having to pay big bills for their therapy after years of trauma , for god knows how long they would need therapy for. As you already know , This isnt even the surface of the trauma I faced due to my parents bad choices. I hope my half sisters and step brother are protected against all trauma and all forms of abuse and never have to feel what suffering is like or pain.