Have you ever tried to be purposely bad but spectacularly failed? Or maybe the opposite? What did you feel?

I tried as, I got into drugs and bad companies that if you'd see me there I'm sure I was very unfit. Having no sense of belonging and being unable to fit in general, I was just hanging around there.
I learned that beauty and love is everywhere, that it's better to stay alone than in unfit places (at least, not for long), that what is for me will feel naturally good and energising, and I learned also that caring about one's well being is a big part of self love .

I tried to be purposely good.
Didn't work.
I know that the end would have been the same regardless.

I tried that when I was a kid. It never worked.