It's all about the optics...
I remember in school on a team project we had to write something about each of the other team members as a way to work through some conflicts we were having. And we did this thing, "most likely to" and it was on slips of paper and what I got was, "most likely to win silent library" and I didn't really get the reference at first because I didn't know what that was but apparently, it's just because I was quiet or the person who wrote it, I guess, didn't think I talked that much. I mean I did talk. I wasn't always a quiet person. But I guess with them, that's how they perceived me. And it hurt a little bit, like oh... I'm just the quiet kid to this person. And it made me think then and especially now how people view you and how you view yourself. Because on that team, I didn't consider myself as someone who was quiet. And maybe it was just that one person who thought that. But it makes me wonder if I am misinterpreting myself or are they misinterpreting me? Or is it just based off the interactions that were had? And also, I wonder (then and now) what do people see me as and how do I see myself? And do those align?
And lately people have been saying, "you seem off" or "things don't seem quite right or normal," asking me why I'm quiet or seem distracted. And I feel normal but then maybe I'm misreading my own actions and how I am feeling. Even though that doesn't make sense. But it's like I'm second-guessing myself, I'm doubting myself. And that makes me feel a little insecure. Except how I'm feeling is I'm feeling fine. I'm feeling normal. But maybe I am a little off. So, I guess you have to understand the optics. That's something I learned from someone; you have to understand how this looks. You may feel a certain way, but to others it doesn't look that way. It's hard to see outside myself in that way, like how do people perceive me. And I know you can't get too caught up with this because it can really stay in your head if you start to meta-analyze it.
The thing is, I'm always ready to receive a good wake-up call. I'm not against feedback or someone telling me I need to improve or do better or even you need to work on this. And I'm like, "Hmm, yeah maybe" or "I'll think about that." It's a wonder. Optics. I guess that's just where I'm at.
And lately people have been saying, "you seem off" or "things don't seem quite right or normal," asking me why I'm quiet or seem distracted. And I feel normal but then maybe I'm misreading my own actions and how I am feeling. Even though that doesn't make sense. But it's like I'm second-guessing myself, I'm doubting myself. And that makes me feel a little insecure. Except how I'm feeling is I'm feeling fine. I'm feeling normal. But maybe I am a little off. So, I guess you have to understand the optics. That's something I learned from someone; you have to understand how this looks. You may feel a certain way, but to others it doesn't look that way. It's hard to see outside myself in that way, like how do people perceive me. And I know you can't get too caught up with this because it can really stay in your head if you start to meta-analyze it.
The thing is, I'm always ready to receive a good wake-up call. I'm not against feedback or someone telling me I need to improve or do better or even you need to work on this. And I'm like, "Hmm, yeah maybe" or "I'll think about that." It's a wonder. Optics. I guess that's just where I'm at.
26-30, M