Disappointed

I don't know I want to know it and I want to love it I love it it's like a nameless baby that I hate but you don't like babies without names because theyre just namesless babies and thats just stupid. I don;t kknow I just feel very very manic today all weird I cant describe it in words because its a feeling like a big smile and i cant get rid of it or else like a big smile and it rips your face because you have to make it bigger and ibggger and your eyes go wideer and wider because you just have to be happy n o matter what. yiu cant just feel anything but happy happy happy happy happy even if it hurts. just feels like a big show that i have to put on and its not even fun and i dont even veg to be creative at all. im so tired ok im jut so tired and i feel like a stupid namelsss baby that everyobdy hates. they say you got to grab life by the skin of your teeth but im too tired for that i am so damn tired. let me tell you long time ago when sweeney todd came out in theraters we all went to see it in my family and somewhere in th emidle of th emovie i just burst out laughing and couldnt stop like i couldnt stop we had to leave because my mom thinks i had some kind of break or omething in that movie. you ever just burst out laughing for non reason and have a hardtime stopping yeah i get that way sometimes ill sit here on the couch and just laugh no reaon why nothing is even funny i just laugh laugh laugh and then i stop. i havent done it in a long time but i jst feel like my face is ripping from this stupid big smile i have to wear all day long and it all comes down to how are you uh huh huh huh fine i am well i am swell and ha ha ha life is roses happy new years to you ha ha ha happy new years smile gets bigger and bigger and bigger like you can hear it cracking because this is wat i hae to do anymore. im really tired ok im really tired and dont sleep well which makes it worse and im just so frustated all the time because even though i have this giant smile im worn out ok. i think im going to tr to sleep but we will see how that works out. i hate how i just sit here in bed and think but i want to sleep but i dont think it will go well. never does. i average maybe 5 hours if im lucky no wonder why i feel manic