My thoughts on paraphilias

Defined as “an intense, persistent sexual interest in objects, situations or non consenting individuals…it describes an atypical sexual interest. A paraphilic disorder is diagnosed when the paraphilia causes distress to the individual, impairs their functioning, or involves a risk of harm to others”

Imagine getting to know someone and falling for them, because they’ve set up for you to do that. Only to slowly reveal they only want you and can only give emotional,physical or sexual things through their particular paraphilic lense. ESPECIALLY if that’s also tied up in narcissism.

As an example, let’s say someone can’t get off for anything but thinking about popping balloons. You think you’ve found someone lovely, because they’re love bombing you. This is their intention, to dupe you at first. At the beginning they pretend they’re all about you, they present as fairly typical, and you can accommodate quirks and kinks and stuff, you’re not particularly prudish. They help you out and support you and act like they’re perfect for you. And say they say they love your hands. You’ve never particularly liked them before so you’re flattered. And then it gets more and more like “I want to see those hands popping a balloon”. “I bet those nails could pop a balloon”. It’s slow and insidious to start . And then you’re getting ready for your kids birthday party and you’re blowing up balloons and you mention it to them…and your heart sinks and you feel sick because you immediately realise you’ve made a mistake telling them. Telling them a really normal thing because they are going to attempt to sexualise it and you do NOT want that in any kind of relation to your children.

THEN they start trying to convince you that it’s all YOU want. You don’t know it, but apparently you can get ultimate sexual satisfaction from popping those balloons. You’ve wanted something all your life and what’s missing is popping those balloons. You have to want exactly what they want or suddenly they completely shut down and you’re the abnormal one that can’t do anything right or be thankful or grateful for having this person in your life. Because now you’re somewhat codependent on this person who has basically lied about their entire agenda to you, you start feeling stressed, depressed and unwell. This person is both the person you came to know and love and ALSO the person who is totally objectifying you for their fetish. You are gaslit and manipulated and used. You are told “how dare you question me when I’ve done so much for you”. They stop pretending to be interested in you or your life or anything but the paraphilic obsession. You start feeling like a poorly compensated sex worker.You come to realise that it was never about you, it was about putting you in a flesh suit of the “perfect person” for them and they haven’t been seeing you this entire time, just a representation of what they want you to be. You’re confused and sad and you ultimately can’t do it anymore.

Now imagine the paraphilia is something very dangerous and disgusting that would harm that person and you. It could potentially kill them, send you to jail and affect your entire life. It’s not in the slightest bit sexual but the person has made it so in their head and because they’re sick, they can’t see any other way to get what they want other than finding as many people as they can to trick into filling that flesh suit. No matter the mental or emotional cost to the other person and the cost to their own lives. And the younger the person the better because they’re more malleable and impressionable.

You end the relationship feeling lost, wrong and completely wrecked. They leave content in the feeling that they’ve got what they want…for now…and that it IS all your fault that you can’t appreciate them and all they’ve done and want to do for you. It’s destroying and lonely and shouldn’t happen to anyone.