Life is shit (tw suicidal thoughts)

This has been the worst year of my life and to make thongs worse: my dog died. I dont know how to grieve in a healthy way so its been rough. And recently ive been losing motivation and passion for things. I think its because it fall and the seasons really impact me mental state. Idk. For the first time in my life, i have a real suicide plan and im willing to follow through. Not yet but soon. Ive never gotten to this point before and it really sucks.