Everyone is smarter than I am

I'd recommend looking into Zeno of Citrium. He wasn't very intelligent, but he founded the Stoic school out if a negative reaction to a Cynic philosopher with ADHD.

Zeno was a boxer, not very bright, and worked as a laborer at night to pay for his study of philosophy. He took the same steady, careful approach of boxing to philosophy and debate, admitted he was slow and stupid, and realized he couldn't make mistakes against smarter people, so started Stoic philosophy down the road to logic. I wrote on this forum in the philosophy section about a later book by Arius Didymus "On Stoic Ethics", I'd recommend starting there.

Another philosopher known as The Dumb Ox was Thomas Aquainus. He was usually quiet and slow to speak, and fat too. He learned to build his intellect up alowly inside.

I'm not as impressed with Aquinas as I once was, I got to the point where I could read his works and note where he would, maybe lying isn't the right word, he would come to a untruthful conclusion off a biblical verse that would have nothing at all to do with what he was saying, sometimes the exact opposite. I think I would of called out his BS approach, but most people are tremendously impressed with him as a original thinker as well as for his analysis of the received philosophies of his era.

You just have to have the discipline to sit down and work through really hard texts. I'm a Boethian Scholar, I had to sit through his philosophy texts, hard as hell to get through. He bridges the philosophy of logic from Greek times to the Romans, and presents it in it's entirity of roman learning just as the western roman empire is dissolving. It's a rough read:



This is besides The Consolations of Philosophy and his lesser known transalted essays. I even started stydying later medieval texts based on his mathematical works:


That lead me to learning Rithmomachia, which I taught myself. I'd play it while listening to Boethius' music made for recitings of his Consolation of Philosophy (it was rediscovered in lart and recreated)


[media=https://youtu.be/w-tALWHHUaE]

You can get the full album off Itunes Music. I used to own it.

I didn't do this for Boethius alone. I carry the thought of many great men from very different societies and eras. I can discuss them indepth. But I usually can't, as most people never have heard of such places, people and things. So I keep alot hidden, even from other philosophers and historians. It's something in the end is just for me to know. I try to make changes for the better where I can, on different scales, the interpersonal to the international. But for the most part it is just me studying some old books, or sitting quietly and contemplating while others pass by oblivious.

It just takes the capacity and motivation to sit down and systemmatically deep dive and thoughly explore something beyond traditional limits. Daring to look where others have turned away. That stuff you worry about, memes and reaction time goes away. You learn about the development of such concepts (Colonel John Boyd and Dignaga both developed a OODA Loop, which is a cognitive model for interpersonal reaction time (Boyd did it for fighter pilots, Dignaga did it to explain buddhist consciousness in medieval India), and you'll come across writers who explored memes (well predates Dawkins, Theophrastus was playing around with them and )


It was eventually developed into a artform where slave actors and playwrights (who were oftentimes slaves themselves and even philosophers under the romans) would put slaves on a pedestool (a short column along a street, about the height you would put a statue of a gld or politician) and have some vice or virtue, or abstract concept written on it, and a actor would stand on it all day, repeating the movements of a stance or action, mimicking what bravery was or honor or fear or murderous hatred. These would line the length of a street.

Later on, after the fall of the western empire, the role of acting was reserved for the courts of the highest nobility. You had cynics transform over into Holy Fools and Court Jesters.


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foolishness_for_Christ

Corrt Jesters and Holyfools (both in the Catholic West and Eastern/Russian Orthodoxy) were highly educated men who were sometimes the only person allowed to mock a king or bishop. They were masters of the actor's tradw and memes, but could also write music, sing and write poety. They carried the spirit of the court.

Our concept of Morality Plays came later:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morality_play

It went for a time with the pilgrimage routes of ancient england and europe, but after the reformation they really took off. Alot of memes on vices and virtues arose.

We also have other sources too. The Tablet of Cebes was a ancient proto-stoic analysis of a picture of Seriramis' treasury in Nineveh (I did the research on that- took a long time to put the pieces together):

A old depiction of the image of The Tablet of Cebes


The image ended up in a greek temple as a donation, and a temple greeter would stand next to it, and if anyone looked at it scratching their heads, he woukd explain it to them. It started off the tradition of exploring vices and virtues in space and stereotypes within a city's limits. This became the cornerstone of stoic philosophy, something even modern experts overlook. It touches every aspect of modern philosophy.

You got from The Tablet of Cebes later on Dante's Divine Comedy and A Pilgrim's Progress (Bunyan)



I can hit this from other themes and directions too, or go even further back in antiquity or to other civilizations, but you should get the point.

I'll also know alot of St. Augustus comes from the cebes tradition too, and that's while you'll sometimes hear a guy who never goes to church listening to some artist nobody ever heard of, or quote someone no one knows, or have a picture of a artwork or place completely forgotten by the modern world. I remember these things. I see them still pop up continiously in our society and around the world.

These are things you will only come to understand with time and patience, and the ability to self direct inquiry and do the unceasing research.

Nketzsche is mkre of a entry level guy. He wasn't very deep, like a small stream. There are entire oceans of thought to explore. It's daughting at first, but man did learn to master the oceans. You'll find these initial concerns you have will fade away with experience and understanding. You just gotta be steady on your feet and stick with it, starting now.

"Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap."

sounds like you just try to fit in with the wrong people. as you've said about the adults you talk with , I read your post and i see a very smart person. maybe you're like me. i'll explain. I am unable to do meaningless small talk or empty talk to make me sound cool. I can only do authentic conversation about life. if I talk with very smart, educated people I feel smart and I fit in, if I try to talk with regular, norm-following, trend-following people I can't relate and I end up looking like an idiot. people talk about what they ate for lunch and gossup and to me that is so far from where I am in my mind. while me if I see people talking about the Kardashians it makes me wonder what is the relation between a ultra individualistic society and the cult of personality that people have towards celebrities. that's where my mind goes, deep analysis of how this fits in with the rest of my world view. now I'm older and everyone I know are super deep, analytical, philosophers. my roommate is sort of yogi who spent years in India and and years in California growing ...tomatoes. and my landlord who is one of my best friends has a pHD in philosophy. my other best friend is a super smart gay artist who used to be a priest but gave it up because he realised it made no sense. Be as authentic and curious as you can and find the other authentic , curious ones. you will know they are your people because your people will freaking love you.

Pay attention to why they wear those clothes
It will tell you more about their life
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