There is definitely a lot of irrational thought that goes into this but

A part of why I have never been interested in going out for random dates is because I would always be thinking this person in front of me could be a pedophile or anything shitty really, and I am here supporting a facade where they get to appear as normal.

So I have always wanted to be friends first and explore their flaws and analyze them from that standing before ever getting involved romantically.

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deadgerbil · 26-30, M

Being friends first is the best way to go about it. You don't know what someone is hiding or really like until you've known them for a period of time outside of being infatuated

Miram · 31-35, F

@deadgerbil I can always ask you though for intel.

Menetics · 26-30, F

@deadgerbil This is not always true. Some people would wait to show their true colours when they know you're invested in them, and you're in too deep.

Miram · 31-35, F

@Menetics Yes, and some people tell you upfront all their secrets and self percieved character flaws.

But they would be very careful among friends.

It is not really rational strategy, it is just my ptsd.

Trust always implies risks..people can be good at playing games, better, they can change into worse after you make a commitment..there is no telling with humans but there are ways to be less impulsive about it.

Menetics · 26-30, F

@Miram You’re right, trust is about risk. I do advise you to be more open to heartbreak and disappointments. Be comfortable feeling it and always try to look at positive things when something bad happened. People will disappoint you one way or another maybe not intentionally but no one is perfect and we can't control how they act. It's just how life works. It all depends on how we react to it.

There’s always a silver lining to everything. I hope everything goes well for you.