Depression

I often wonder if it is just me or if other people who deal with true depression feel the same. I occasionally post on here and other places when i am feeling good, i will come on here and flirt or joke and occasionally someone will flirt with me or joke with me and i start to spiral downwards. It is as if i feel guilty for being happy. The flirting is usually a different problem, i get depressed about that because...well...i am not very good at it LOL Jokes are usually not as funny to other people as they are to me. I generally refuse to discuss politics or religion on social media as it also leads to depression. I used to be suicidal but i am not truly suicidal anymore. I wish for death, i hope for death but i don't actively seek out death anymore. I go to bed every night though, hoping i simply won't wake up.