🎶If you leave me now you'll take away the biggest part of me 🎶

I can listen to a few sentimental songs and some downright sad ones without crying all the time now.
Had kind of a rough morning ,though.
For the first time since his death I've gotten mad at him for dying -I know that's irrational.
I suppose I had to have that experience to get past it.
It didn't really last long.
He did nothing wrong and it wasn't his fault -that is the rational part of my brain.
Trying to accept that he left me, even though he couldn't help it, is the irrational part.
I'm sure I'll have many more things that I have to get over.
I have my second therapy meeting Wednesday.
The first session I don't have much to say about as it was more of an introductory than anything else.

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HikingMan · 56-60, M

Loss is hard and there’s no real timeline to the spirals of grief and anger.
I’m hopeful you’ll find peace soon.

Therapy helps.
Just be honest about it all and go as deep as you can into all of your feelings.

For me the day after therapy is kind of like a hang over, but the day after that I typically even out, gain a little more perspective, and begin to feel better.

I do bi-weekly sessions so I have time in between to reflect.

I hope it helps and that you have a good therapist.

Wishing you so much love and strength.

Be well

OutoftheGloom · 46-50, F

Its not irrational, anger, denial and all kinds of other feelings are all part of grief. Ive thought I was literally cracking up at times cause I sit in the bottom of his wardrobe crying. I hope the therapy helps. I can't afford one to one therapy. I did try a bereavement support group but I don't think it helped me. I don't like to cry in front of other people and I just felt uncomfortable cause everyone was crying around me.

Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F

@OutoftheGloom I have Medicaid so it's covered and yeah I know when my husband was alive and we had to pay out of pocket there was no way I could afford that.

SirNedKelly · M

No it is not irrational at all

It took me around 8 years to forgive my son for passing away at the age of 19 in 2003

1. Shock and Denial: Numbness, disbelief, and a protective mental fog that shields you from the immediate impact of the loss.

2. Pain and Guilt: Raw emotional and physical aches, accompanied by "what if" or "if only" thoughts of remorse.

3. Anger and Bargaining: Frustration, fury, or lashing out at the situation, paired with trying to make mental deals or promises to undo the loss.

4. Depression (and Reflection/Loneliness): Deep sadness, isolation, and quiet reflection as the full reality of the absence sets in

5. The Upward Turn: A slow, gradual easing of the most intense daily pressure, even though grief is still present.

6. Reconstruction and Working Through: Trying out new coping strategies, solving practical problems, and slowly adjusting to daily life.

7. Acceptance and Hope: Coming to terms with the reality of the loss while beginning to look toward the future and find meaning.

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@SirNedKelly I usually make part way to 6 before I collapse inwards and backwards again.

I’m doing better this year.

rebelsoul · M

So sorry you have to go through that, as we get older feelings and emotions become enhanced. Our heart and soul will be forever changed

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

There are many stages of grief that one may move through, around, and even skip inbetween. Your grief process is your own.

Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F

@uncalled4 that's what they told me and I do believe that.
Not sure everyone goes through this but it does seem like it's not one final goodbye but several goodbyes

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

@Justmeraeagain People absolutely become angry. There's even a thing called "complicated grief", which I found interesting. There's always something new to learn about mental health.

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