So I’m taking the plunge this year. Therapy.

In past years, I’ve guided myself through my anxiety struggles thanks to outside resources from medical professionals I could access easily, but last year compacted too much heaviness into my little ole head for me to even try to dissect and rearrange some of the mental aspects that are far too complicated for a layman like me. It’s time to begin facing the hard things I don’t want to in order to make an attempt to find the mental peace and clarity I want from life. But here’s the question that brought me to a full stop. Do I want a male or a female therapist?

Here’s my thing. I grew up with a man. I was extremely sheltered from people in general and wasn’t really exposed to women outside of my family. Even then, I rarely saw those family members. My friends weren’t really girly girls and deep talks didn’t happen that much. Because of that lack of exposure to women, as an adult I found myself emotionally uncomfortable with them…oddly unfamiliar with them and not knowing how to relate to them or even communicate with them. I’d become very quiet in their presence, just smiling and existing until a guy would come around who talked about guy things I knew more about.

My current job has broken that barrier down quite a bit as I’ve had no choice but to lean on women and have seen my girl side really come through to play off of other chicks who I mesh well with. I feel closer to women now than I ever have, but even with saying that I still find it hard to open up to them. It’s hard to even reach out to my girl friends because so many of them…forgive me for saying this…will rope me into their drama and because I was devoid of experiencing softness in my early years, I unfortunately attribute it to weakness, which is something I don’t want any part of as it’s a reflection of my own emotional weakness. I simply don’t have the mental and emotional space to accommodate that right now. I’m the therapist of any group I’m in, but I just can’t be that person right now. I’m not in the severe survival mode I was in last year, but I am fully in a recovery mode that is taking a lot of finesse to even make my way through. Which is why it’s time for therapy.

Now, men. This is tricky because while I’m naturally more comfortable with them, thanks to the exposure to too many of them hell bent on showing their less favorable side, I’m very much on guard when I’m in their presence. I don’t trust them like I used to and I waste no time in challenging their authoritative role when I feel they haven’t earned it in life. It’s a weird dynamic to say the least. I question their words more now, and definitely their intentions and even their methods. And unfortunately I know that far too many get into the psychological field to help their wounded childhoods and strive to feel purposeful as an adult despite their world crashing down on the inside. …Jesus, I’m never going to find a therapist 🙄


So, I know no one can make the decision on which gender would work best for me, but I’d love to hear about those who have taken the therapy route and how they choose the person they did to help them on their journey to better mental clarity.