My end will be soon - long rant
I dont even know where to begin with. I have so many issues... i get in so much shit and for the first time in years idk why. Im still so young, i whould be happy and sexy and having the best time of my live. Instead, im in a spiral of actions and feelings that i cant escape. I miss my ex, i miss being 14 and stupid and without a care in the world.
Today i relapsed on cutting after 4 months, i vented about it on discord but nobody gave a fuck. My boyfriend will probably see he cuts when we have sex and that will probably turn him off and ruin the mood, bummer. I wish i could cut much more but im aware i need to hide it.
Theres this giant pillar near me and you can walk some stairs. Not sure if those stairs are already broken on purpose but i wanna climb it and hopefully reach a decent height from which to jump and finally end my shit. I keep on thinking about that pillar, about how i could maybe do it on tiktok live so that i can finally have the recognition i always wanted.
I might suffer from narcissism. I hate it so much when my drawings get around 1k-5k likes and others go up to 100k. They dont even draw better than me, some use MY designs. Its like the algorithm is built on retards. I am much better than them, i need to be praised. I need everything i do to be acknowledged and appreciated, otherwise i ghost everyone.
What am i even yapping about bro. Right, this site is the only place i can actually vent because no one knows me here. I can freely say, hey! im friends with a pedo to which i send nudes and roleplay incest while cheating on my boyfriend, or hey! Im extremely narcissistic and instead of helping me, it makes me want to kill myself for attention!
Attention is all i ever wanted. I always planned my funeral more than any other event, and it will be sooner than they expect
Today i relapsed on cutting after 4 months, i vented about it on discord but nobody gave a fuck. My boyfriend will probably see he cuts when we have sex and that will probably turn him off and ruin the mood, bummer. I wish i could cut much more but im aware i need to hide it.
Theres this giant pillar near me and you can walk some stairs. Not sure if those stairs are already broken on purpose but i wanna climb it and hopefully reach a decent height from which to jump and finally end my shit. I keep on thinking about that pillar, about how i could maybe do it on tiktok live so that i can finally have the recognition i always wanted.
I might suffer from narcissism. I hate it so much when my drawings get around 1k-5k likes and others go up to 100k. They dont even draw better than me, some use MY designs. Its like the algorithm is built on retards. I am much better than them, i need to be praised. I need everything i do to be acknowledged and appreciated, otherwise i ghost everyone.
What am i even yapping about bro. Right, this site is the only place i can actually vent because no one knows me here. I can freely say, hey! im friends with a pedo to which i send nudes and roleplay incest while cheating on my boyfriend, or hey! Im extremely narcissistic and instead of helping me, it makes me want to kill myself for attention!
Attention is all i ever wanted. I always planned my funeral more than any other event, and it will be sooner than they expect
18-21, T