suicidal again

suicidal? yes. too coward to actually do it? also yes. at this point im just hoping something kills me. im lazy, stupid, mean and overall an asshole. i waste my money, i procrastinate everything. i hate seeing myslef everyday. im too much of a coward to even self harm, its like im just feeling these things for attention. maybe i do want it for attention. im no one now. years ago someone would hear "humix" and get excited to meet or talk to me, now theres nothing. the only people who talk to me are my friends, and thats only when i message first. im debating whether they like me or not. im going to ghost them all. i will kill myself mentally if cant physically. i dont even care if this rant makes sense because it probably doesnt even matter. i hate myself and everyone should hate me too.