Rant. (TW SELF HATE, SELF DEGRATION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, SEXUALTOPICS?)
(TW SELF HATE, SELF DEGRATION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, SEXUAL TOPICS)
Hi. i feel like i just want to die i don’t deserve to be able to rant i deserve to just die already i know there are people who “care about me” but i don’t even deserve it. i feel like i’m just acting like a person i feel like i’m acting with my emotions i don’t feel like i’m actually feeling it, am i really annoyed? i feel like i’m just acting that way and i don’t feel it really. do i even feel suicidal? is it just my brain seeking attention? i feel like a mindless person realizing they are mindless. I don’t deserve to cry, rant, scream, or anything. should I just die? i hate existing. i remember when i was around 5-6 i tried to kill myself which is funny because my sister had it so much worse when she was my age and i just hate being alive, and then now i start getting urges to masturbate and shit and it’s horrible because i hate it. i don’t like the sound of it, and i used to have a song it’s just a spanish song of romance, it just eased my urges to masturbate and all that but now it’s not working so well, and i absolutely despise it. and i feel horrible which i shouldn’t even get the right to say that considering how better i have it than most people. i’m just an annoying bitchy person. my sister deserves everything. and now i also feel like i can’t even kill myself like i shoudlnt even have the right to do that. why? because i have a beautiful face, good metabolism, good parents, it’s basically a disgrace to people with actual issues who are suicidal or want to commit suicide, and i also cannot do it because fun fact i have a lover and i’m one of the things keeping them from committing suicide but i feel drained and i don’t deserve to cry. i deserve all the pain i receive, my lover deserves someone way better, i deserve to be treated like garbage, i hate it, i hear people calling me good things say i’m fantastic but i’m NOT FANTASTIC AT ALL IM A HORRIBLE PERSON AND NEED TO DIE EVERYTHING I DO I SHITTY AND IM BASICALT JUST FEELING LIKE IM COPYING MY SISTER, SHE RECENTLY STARTED WORKING TO MAKE A GAME AND NOW ALL THE SUDDEN I WANT TO DO THAT LIKE I WAS TRYING TO BEAT HER AT THE STUFF SHES GOOD AT. OH MY SISTER STARTED DRAWING? NOW ALL THE SUDDEN ITS MY LIFE LONG PASSION. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. IM SHITTY, UNNORIGINAL, AND I SHOULD JUST DIE DIE DIE
Hi. i feel like i just want to die i don’t deserve to be able to rant i deserve to just die already i know there are people who “care about me” but i don’t even deserve it. i feel like i’m just acting like a person i feel like i’m acting with my emotions i don’t feel like i’m actually feeling it, am i really annoyed? i feel like i’m just acting that way and i don’t feel it really. do i even feel suicidal? is it just my brain seeking attention? i feel like a mindless person realizing they are mindless. I don’t deserve to cry, rant, scream, or anything. should I just die? i hate existing. i remember when i was around 5-6 i tried to kill myself which is funny because my sister had it so much worse when she was my age and i just hate being alive, and then now i start getting urges to masturbate and shit and it’s horrible because i hate it. i don’t like the sound of it, and i used to have a song it’s just a spanish song of romance, it just eased my urges to masturbate and all that but now it’s not working so well, and i absolutely despise it. and i feel horrible which i shouldn’t even get the right to say that considering how better i have it than most people. i’m just an annoying bitchy person. my sister deserves everything. and now i also feel like i can’t even kill myself like i shoudlnt even have the right to do that. why? because i have a beautiful face, good metabolism, good parents, it’s basically a disgrace to people with actual issues who are suicidal or want to commit suicide, and i also cannot do it because fun fact i have a lover and i’m one of the things keeping them from committing suicide but i feel drained and i don’t deserve to cry. i deserve all the pain i receive, my lover deserves someone way better, i deserve to be treated like garbage, i hate it, i hear people calling me good things say i’m fantastic but i’m NOT FANTASTIC AT ALL IM A HORRIBLE PERSON AND NEED TO DIE EVERYTHING I DO I SHITTY AND IM BASICALT JUST FEELING LIKE IM COPYING MY SISTER, SHE RECENTLY STARTED WORKING TO MAKE A GAME AND NOW ALL THE SUDDEN I WANT TO DO THAT LIKE I WAS TRYING TO BEAT HER AT THE STUFF SHES GOOD AT. OH MY SISTER STARTED DRAWING? NOW ALL THE SUDDEN ITS MY LIFE LONG PASSION. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. IM SHITTY, UNNORIGINAL, AND I SHOULD JUST DIE DIE DIE
13-15, FNew