I wanna still live but i dont wanna live, i dont wanna die but i wanna die.

I dont know whats happening to me right know i just attempted to kill myself earlier with overdose but it didnt work i guessed i need more. I dont know why im feeling this way i, everything is fine i have a good life bad past though, i just wished to disapper but sometimes i ask myself why dont i just kill myself directly with the knife? I cant because im scared, too scared too fail amd face the consequence afterward. When i look at the mirror i feel sick and ask myself why does my body look like this why do i have a big rib cage and others dont? Why are they so pretty and im like this? Why am i not smart like them? Why am i not talented like the others? I asked myself alot with that questions and one answer always pop out of my mind im being dramatic? Maybe i am being dramatic.

Its not the first time i contemplated to kill myself i think i was about 7-8 when i first wanted to die because of what happened im not gonna say it because it really. Second i attempted was qhen i so sick of my self about 11- 12 years old with overdose again. It didnt work and i suffered stomach aches..

I did it again third time was overdose again i in total overdose myself with 18 medicine but it never work??? I dont get it uts 18. 18 goddamn medicine why cant i just die.

Im contemplating again on overdosing myself again but this time i hope this is the last time i dont know if will chickened out but i guess lets see...


Im making a letter for all my family members this time because i feel that i will really disappointed on this world i think this is the moment the right time even though i just tried to kms earlier i know better now i need more not 18 but more.

Im 15 now im gonna try it tonight, i wonder if life will not end or maybe it will...