Please don't help

My mind is starting to justify it, being ok talking about it just makes it more acceptable in my mind. I know I'm seeing the world through the opposite of rose colored glasses, I can't change it. I've never been diagnosed but the mood swings are insane, I prefer the term manic depression because it has a better sound to it and a Jimi Hendrix song about or because of it.

I can't change the lack of satisfaction in my life, my kids are the only ones that loose if I kill myself, everyone who ever made sure I felt worthless wins. If I start adding names it means it's getting worse