No EP so where to start

This is my first post here. I used to use EP on a regular basis, it was my place to "bleed". I really have no personal desire to live and I exist only because of my importance to others. Please don't reply that I should talk to a suicide line. I do have a counselor and he knows this. Besides, i've been a EMT for thirty years, So if I really wanted to off myself no person or holding cell could stop me. I'm single, with a broken heart and recently was told by the military that I'm useless, do to my age. I feel I just have no where to go in life now. This is nothing new i've bled about this for years on EP Yet here I am again still living rambling on like a baby. No reason for anyone to reply to this. I'll post something soon with questions that I want answer to today I just feel the darkness.