This is the story of why i constantly try to commit suicide

When I was born I was diagnosed as mentally disabled I have suffered from mental illness and mental disabilities since birth and they were diagnosed as permanent and as I got older to teenage years the pain and suffering had begun i became depressed and suicidal I was in pain and I was suffering from it and as I grew older the mental illnesses became worsening and I just couldn’t understand why I was suffering or why a loving and caring god would allow me to suffer like this and why a god would put me through it but since then I’ve been wishing for death and wanting this life to end and I continued to suffer from pain and mental illness