there should be happiness and a double celebration but none today one twin is gone the other sits here alone no one will come hurt them all too much Mom shed too many tears for shes done Dad angry I stole and tried to use his gun having to break his own daughters wrist trying to get it from her. siblings are tired of this too constantly worrying when I go silent if I've gone for good.
I don't blame them if they hate me I hate me If they all have washed their hands of me I now truly have no one left shouldn't these doctors nurses just let me do it rid everyone of this waste of skin bones air? isn't cruel to let me suffer like this? I end back here everytime it's a waste of their time and resources to keep me alive surely they see this? Just let me do it leave me a rope gun knife a bottle of pills.
Mental illness doesn't go away just because it is a birthday or a day of celebration. But knowing that you feel so low when you 'should be' celebrating can perpetuate those feelings further. You're so hard on yourself. You are sufferring now but it will not be forever . Nothing is.
