I Think That Suicide Is Not the Way to Go

My younger (early 40s) friend whom I've known all her life, whom I call my niece, has told me she plans to commit suicide as soon as her daughter is old enough to be on her own; that would be in about 5-6 years.

She sounds like she really means it. She says she is overwhelmed with guilt over being a bad mother to her daughter, and making a few bad choices in her life. She, and her daughter, and her boyfriend, are living in a trailer parked on the streets of a small city 1000 miles from the town I live in. They live hand to mouth, a tough existence.

She has always ignored my advice. I have given up on suggesting various common sense plans for putting her life in order. She is bright, educated though not formally, no high school diploma, home schools her daughter rather successfully (daughter is autistic and did poorly in her special ed. program in school), has been divorced twice (picked abusive men). She is good hearted, smart, hard working and honest but does not seem to fit into the system anywhere. Suggestions that she go back to school to learn a profession have been met with great resistance over the years.

She feels like a failure for getting her second divorce and now living on the streets, though in a trailer. Her last husband was a ne'er-do-well kinda guy who had never held a steady job and was doing odd jobs in his 50s. He had a bad temper which is probably why he couldn't keep a job, though she says he never hit her.

I hope she will mature and change her mind about suicide over the next few years. She believes she is a hopeless fool who has ruined her life and been a bad mother because of subjecting the daughter to so many difficulties (the girl's dad was her first husband who never sees the girl).

I do not know what to say to her; she seems to be empty of hope and self-esteem. I really hope and pray she will change her mind and start to fight for a better life. She doesn't seem to get that her example to her daughter of despair over her life will hurt the daughter more than even living poor in a trailer and the streets. She believes she can educate her daughter so the girl can grow up strong and be able to care for herself, but I fear her example of giving up will speak louder than teaching her daughter academic skills.

I don't know what to tell her. She never listens to me, although today she said she wishes she had listened to me years ago. Knowing that does not seem to predispose her to listening to me today.