I Lost Someone To Suicide

A couple of months ago I lost a friend of mine. We had known each other 8 years roughly. He went though a hard time and committed suicide. The night he went missing I searched my entire town looking for him. It was almost midnight. The next morning his body was found.

I know I shouldn't blame myself for anything but ... I will always having a nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me I should of looked longer. I should of double checked certain spots. I should of tried harder. But I know that's not the case. I wouldn't of found him this was meant to happen.

I find living without his nerdy ways difficult and weird. It is something I will learn to deal with. I will continue to miss him everyday though.
I won't never forget him.
He will always be a part of me.

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Dusty101 · F

I think there is an in built mechanism in ourselves that make us think of the "what ifs"? It must have been such a horrible night for him, you and his loved ones.
You looked as hard as you could and nothing would have probably stopped him as he was in a completely different mindset than anyone without a suicidal mind. If it didn't happen that night it might have happened another night. Unless he would have completely healed from his suicidal thoughts. It's a difficult one! Please don't blame yourself. He wouldn't like you to be feeling like that. As others have said in the comments remember the fun and wonderful times with him. Hugs to you and distract your mind from blaming yourself. It's hard but just try!💚

ScarM3 · 26-30, F

@Dusty101 Thank you, the memories I have of him are always playing on repeat in my mind. He played a big part of my life. And helped me through so many difficult times I had. I'm trying to keep my head up and just take on every day as it comes.