I can sympathize. My life has been full of trauma. I have basically given up on being a good person though. If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me.
Then why don’t you say “screw you” to trauma be a good person?
I had a friend years ago who suffered trauma for years before I met her and said something she didn’t like and over the weeks after that she revealed to me she had become a bad person because of this trauma in her life. The weird thing is she forgave the person who was responsible for this trauma when noone in her family did.