blocked a girl for the first time in life today 🤦♀ and now I feel bad about it seriously, seriously it's hard to understand this crazy mind of mine
I've been hurt a lot in the past but always blocking people is not my thing as a human, there has been worse situations but I never really lost my copmpusure over anything, I try to give my best even when I'm at my worst, these recent days I've been been so off seriously, can't say that it's the lowest point of my life because I've experienced worse , all of it affects me a lot, I'm still trying to be strong, I'm unable to trust people, at the always I end up being deceived though ig I'm still in denial , they may have their reasons but I don't understand, I'm forgetting evrythng except these hurtful things, I still so easily put my trust on them so I guess at the end I can only blame myself, it's all me , all my mistakes, I never really learn, I don't get leisure still when I get little free time instead of focusing my business I run out to people, it's like I really need to communicate, at the end they take advantage of me , I feel bad and it's very very hard , at an moment I'll talk out a lot and in the next moment I'll find out tht thy're not right, now that I've been ghosted a lot I just don't open up easily, I'm an introvert so it took me huge strength to express even a little, just when I started I got these heartbreaks, who's a true friend I don't understand, just again holding in evrythng, so trapped, thss like a new type of fear no I'm so familiar with it and so I'll say tht it just reappears with time , hope I'll learn my lessons, evrythng changes in just subtle seconds, I should be very careful with everything but I just can't manage, so I fail, tht day it just occurred in my mind tht most of the things change with time except just some, online sociall e become siblings so fast thn we realise tht we've been exploited but there are no datas of them tht ye can find , all disappeared like theyy were never there, they dnt exist, texts are too precious memories so sometimes I try to take screenshots and preserve , even after losing all contacts thy never leave my mind totally, never ever a casual soul so it amazs m, tht day ths person who I sort of knew since I was small also came out as a creep, so shocking and in mind I wonder weere they always like this? And it's just me who didn't know, got to know so late but thanks to God Grace tht atleast I know so I should be aware, people have good side and bad side , when in good terms I just see good but once history repeats itself, after I know of their real motives I just see tht bad poisonous side , can't really recognise, it make me cry more and more , at home I hear them talking bad about their colleagues, with their colleagues I hear them talking bad about their homies, why they do this? What hits the most is actually the reality, just like how ei shared ur sadness with someone and they also do the same to you , ths betrayal, in the course when we re in good terms thy will repeatedly sat tht thy will always be there but in the end there's none literally, it has been so long s feels, so late at night tht there's so less time to be morning here so good night, felt oka after writing out,have a nice e day, also I don't understand most short terms these days :( thts big problem too ig,like evrythng is a problem lllm forgetting lt
